two days before i left for my week at the ranch, my life changed. i held my breath, gulped, and signed a year-long lease in the ICB building, an artist's building with three floors of studios in sausalito. yay/yikes!
now we're painting and lighting and prepping for open studios in one week. did i mention i'm hardly sleeping?
i've been teaching private photography classes lately. here is one of my current favorite portrait techniques.
have your subject sit and look right up into your lens while you stand above. shoot with an extremely narrow depth of field. manually focus on the eyes. make sure you're not focusing on the nose or the ears!
this perspective is flattering to the subject, while allowing the photographer to include hints of information in the background.
works like a charm. even with me. i happen to be incredibly unphotogenic. it's true and i'm ok with it. it's like having brown eyes. it is just this way. but every once in awhile, someone will make a nice picture of me.
i'm so proud of my student for many things, including this image of yours truly!
spent my big birthday in boulder. doing things i love with people i love ...
walked around with my camera ...
photo fun at lunch ...
browsing one of my favorite spots in boulder, among the vietri dishes at peppercorn on pearl street. mmmmm ...
then a three-and-a-half hour dinner at the best (ambiance + food) restaurant in town ...
with fab folks who chose tasty wine ...
and told exotic stories of their days in india and kathmandu ...
they didn't sing happy birthday too loudly ...
the gals didn't want their pictures taken, so i snapped away at the table.
a lovely day ... feels like the start of a very good year/decade!
so i've been working toward sharing my photography in an etsy shop, and recently have spent much time browsing around etsy photography. i'm looking for a way to jazz * snazz up my pictures. for some reason, all of a sudden they seem boring and bland and plain. so i'm learning how to use textures to make my pictures look old * interesting * layered * rich. and i'm also looking on etsy for different ways to present my photographs.
and then i found this:
LOVE gayle's work, and LOVE her presentation: photos mounted on wood blocks.
it just so happens that i had already bought some wood blocks and canvas blocks, and had started trying different techniques for mounting photographs onto them.
promptly i left gayle a message singing the praises of her work. i asked if she'd share her technique for mounting. didn't hear back.
must admit i was quite disappointed. you see, i LOVE sharing! i don't think artists need to keep secrets from each other, because inevitably, everyone sees and works differently, uniquely ... even if they use the same technique. but not all artists feels that way. and not everyone wants to share their techniques and methods which may have taken them years to learn. it's understandable, i guess. it's just fear. still, i prefer to think of everyone as an ally instead of the competition. which isn't always easy. but which definitely is my highest self in action.
i also said i'd buy a piece from her. and so i did. and in purchasing her photograph on etsy, i wrote this:
i promised i'd purchase a piece from you so here i am. it will be a treat to have your art in my home.
i'm frequently on the shuttersisters site where so much sharing of information happens ... which is what prompted me to ask you about your mounting process. i hope my asking didn't make you uncomfortable in any way.
keep up the beautiful work!
all the best,
your fan,
hillary
a few days later, the mail came and i received this gorgeous piece from gayle:
and this:
wow! thrilled! to the moon! yippee skippee! jumping for joy! happy dance all around!
not only do i now have a beautiful piece of art. and another method for mounting photos on wood blocks: 3M 77 SPRAY MOUNT. (i've been using gel medium as a glue, applied with a brush, which seems to work fine) ...
but i also have SHARED WITH A FELLOW ARTIST/PHOTOGRAPHER.
i shared my money with her. she shared her arwork with me. she shared a technique with me. and now i've shared our techniques with you. woot!
thank you gayle, for sharing with me!
q: what did you learn on the internet today, honey?
a: sharing is fun!
ok, i may be a little slow ... but i have recently fallen HARD for textures! funny how you can go along just minding your own business doing your thing the way you've always done it and then BAM! and everything changes.
that's how it had been with me 'n textures.
i've been working on opening up an etsy shop. and my photos looked so boring to me, just sitting there, all plain and normal.
browsing around the photography section of etsy, i found myself pulled over and over again toward photographs with textures. so i decided to learn how to do it myself.
now really i've just started adding textures, sometimes one, sometimes two, and sometimes even three textures! i have no idea what i'm doing, but am having a ton of fun playing!
all this texture love and learning can be attributed also to the stellar kim klassen whose website is ALL ABOUT TEXTURES. she makes textures, sells textures, offers classes on textures, and even offers free tutorials on how to use textures. she also gives away textures to those on her subscriber list, and i am now one of her lucky and grateful recipients!
one of my friends said these textured images remind her of "antique white cotton dresses." yes, they take our imaginations back to earlier days: simple and wholesome.
we use our modern sophisticated digital cameras and computers to bring back their antithesis. we humans are funny!
i'm kind of crazy about adding words to photos. i LOVE (whole body shudder) finding the *right* words for a certain image. and the *placement* of the words in the photo, or next to the photo. then choosing the *font*. the *size* and *shape* of the letters. the *color* of the letters. sometimes i even use *more than one font* in the same photo. ooooooo!!!!! ohhhhh! i iove it so. and as i continue with words + photos in my 'wisdom words' series, i love it even more.
i've never had any formal design training. can't even remember when exactly i first picked up the text tool in photoshop. certainly it wasn't when i was a photojournalist. must've been when i started my boutique stock photography agency see jane run. i created my own marketing materials. (heck, i did everything.) and i didn't know how. i just banged around until i figured it out, or figured out who to ask for help.
i'm still learning where to get great fonts (i've downloaded some at 1001freefonts.com and dafont.com). then i had to learn where to move the downloads on my computer so the fonts would show up in the drop down menu (Library - Fonts folder). i know, pretty basic huh. i really don't know what i'm doing. but i know i LOVE what i'm doing.
in an e-chat with tracey clark with our fellow picture winter attendees, i asked tracey how she got here in her career. she said something like "i just followed the whims of my passions." wow. and look where she is now: founder of shutter sisters, uber popular e-photo course instructor at big picture classes, writer, photographer, etc etc etc! she is lovely and deserves it all.
oft times, it's murky waters finding our passions. but this words + picture thing? no bout a dout it, this is my passion. one of em. all mine. purely truly mine. from the core of me mine. not whispering but shouting through my whole body: I LOVE THIS!!!!!
so i can't NOT do this. and so i begin. and i try. and i learn. and i do. most important, i do.
i add to wisdom words once a week, sometimes more. creating those pieces is always a completely pleasure-ful creative endeavor.
being in creative flow is the ultimate place to be, and a few nights ago that's exactly where i was: playing with words and images, the ones you see in this post.
i'm thinking of adding a new line of greeting cards with words.
someday, i'd like to add more than a few words ... my own words of wisdom.
would love to hear what you think of the words + photos? words + photos on cards?
i'd appreciate SO MUCH any tips about using the text tool and words + photos design in general. and where do you get great fonts?
thanks friends!
If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn't need to lug around a camera.
~Lewis Hine
my photo of my neighbor's antique pinocchio was featured on shuttersisters "picture winter" gallery a couple days ago. picture winter is an e-photography class offered by shuttersisters founder / photographer & teacher extraordinaire / sweet soul tracey clark.
i have to say i like this image. there is something so sweet about this little guy ... his feet dangling off the edge of the mantle, his peaceful smile, his arms relaxed but ready to spring into action. he reminds me of little boys, in their own dreamworld but ready to jump up and participate in this world when the time is right.
i also like that i included the pink wood cutout moulding on top. and that i muted the colors a bit.
part of photography is about knowing how to use the camera and lens well enough to get what we want: exposure, focus, depth of field, all the mechanics ... thinking activity. and the other part of photography is all about heart and feelings and intuition ... making photographic choices by feeling them, the way a painter paints and just knows from the heart where to use what color, texture, shape.
with many of my portraits over the years, i often opted for an absolutely plain background, making the subject even more prominent. i've always liked a clean look. but lately i include some context, some background, even if just a little. here, this moulding angles just enough to create some framing, some "place" for the little guy.
and sometimes i get a little (lot!) heavy with the vibrance and saturation sliders in lightroom, making the colors *pop.* but other times, i'm seeing the beauty in subtlety.
we really are changing all the time. our tastes change, or at least shift, as long as we're still breathing, or depending on our mood. photographs are a great record of our own feelings, over time, or of a specific time. a diary in image form. and sometimes they show us a subtle shift we didn't even know had occurred. like rereading last year's journal pages, we can see how we have evolved and what tendencies remain.
My portraits are more about me than they are about the people I photograph. ~Richard Avedon
optimistically hoping for everything to be in order by 1/1/11 ... 'tis sadly not the case :-(
anyone who knows me knows, i don't like messes. and right now, my office is a mess, my filing cabinets are a mess, my computer files are a mess, my lightroom catalog is a mess, my garage is a mess ...
funny, before the holidays all this was pretty much in the same state of affairs. but i want NEW! CLEAN! BRIGHT! SHINY! IT'S A NEW YEAR, AFTER ALL!
i have forgiven myself for totally dropping the ball in december with picture the holidays and reverb10, two very worthy projects. i was just too busy scurrying around and celebrating! but the messes, grrr ...
lord knows, i know that whenever i disagree with what IS, i create my own suffering. and the messes IS messy. and the oh-so-many-things i want to do IS messy, too. i'm a spring baby, born on march 21. aries. look out! headstrong. stubborn. impatient. and i can smell spring already!
all the work i've done to be in the om zone has flown right out the window with the new year. huh? how did that happen?
maybe it's cause i gave up dairy on new year's day. found out the night before christmas i'm casein intolerant, sadly. as in, no cow/sheep/goat dairy. none. no yogurt even!
maybe i just need to pull out one or more tools i've learned to ground in the present and accept what IS: breathe. lie down with a heavy blanket covering my body. hold a pillow. look around the room and name things in present time. yoga. bath. rub my legs in downward direction. feel my feet on the floor. i know all the tricks. yeah, i probably should have done that before sitting down to write this. forgive me? (life sure is messy sometimes!).
anyway, i wanted to let you know i'm switching things up a bit here at eyechai. i need to Focus on the 4 F's +1 right now: Fitness, Foto biz, Friends, Family and house remodel. which for me means that i need to blog later in the day instead of first thing. or shorter posts? more photos? (i can't write too late in the evening or it'll be punchy like tonight!) i'm not sure yet if i'll still be able to post 5x week, but i'll let you know as soon as i've figured out the new blogging regime. please don't go away, though, i love creating this eyechai blog and i love YOU!
meantime, is your new year clean or messy, accepting or not? what IS up with you? (great, now i'm ungrounded AND punchy. what next?)
go to bed, hillary.
love,
me
in november i entered a local photography contest. it was one of those meant-to-be things ... i only found out about it at the last minute because i went to our town hall requesting a building permit and saw the flyer there.
at the contest kick-off that very evening, everyone had to pick a category out of a hat. i plucked "age" and was hardly thrilled with my category. something about the big 5 - 0 fast approaching ...
the very first image that popped into mind was my gentleman neighbor's bald head with short white hairs circling his crown. he must be somewhere between 65 and 75 but won't fess up to his age. i ask, cajole, divulge my age over and over again ... but he's not telling! i find this hysterical. a man. an older man. who won't tell his age!
i asked my neighbor if he was willing to let me photograph the top of his head. he was game. but i kept putting off the actual shoot.
so many gremlins in my head, shouting: that's a dumb idea! lame! trite!
i wondered if i could shoot it with my favorite lens these days (my 50mm compact macro), really blow out the background and focus on the little white hairs ... but the gremlins returned in full force: lame!
ok, i'll think of something else. brainstormed and came up with lists of other options, but none really grabbed me. the week got busy. the deadline fast approaching. then the weather turned and the gray, sunless days thwarted my idea of sunlight backlighting his little white hairs. gremlins: awww, forget about it! just blow it off! it's a stupid idea, anyway! don't waste your time!
on the last evening before the deadline, the sun came out. i braved over to my neighbor's. he was available and willing. we shot. we laughed. he gave me a tour of his home and backyard. got to know him a little better. had fun.
later that evening i kept procrastinating working on the image. i waited until after 11pm facing a midnight deadline. sat down to process the image. gremlins: it's no good! doesn't work! lame! and on and on.
somehow, i mustered the courage to enter my photo just before midnight.
and it turns out i won!: first place in the age category. featured in the local newspaper. photo hanging at the community center for a month. and $100 worth of gift certificates.
i'm sharing this not to toot my own horn. don't get me wrong. winning is always fun. but i've been able to watch myself during this whole experience, and i've been able to see that the gremlins in my head are not my true Self. yet i often listen to them because they are LOUD.
i know that the gremlins are nothing but fear. fear raising its voice. shouting. fear trying to keep my little ego safe.
but that fear is suffocating. that fear is limiting. and i do not want to be acting from that place. i want to act from the place that watches the gremlins. the place that is inspired and creative. the place that is everlasting and unchanging. my true Self.
i know that fear and emotions come and go, like the weather. i know that incessant, uncreative and unthinking "thoughts" are just that: thoughts. and i don't have to listen to them.
hey gremlins: YOU'RE THE STUPID ONES!
my first place win is a testament to listening to that first image that popped into my mind's eye. my instinct. my inner self knowing exactly what is to be done. what is right for me. trusting my Self. that still small voice that i am nurturing so it can grow more confident and loud, stronger than the gremlins in my head.
i proudly accept this first place win in honor of listening to my true Self.
There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs.
~Ansel Adams
i just found out about reverb and joined in. it's an online *reverberation* reflecting on this past year and manifesting in the coming year. dreamt up by this creative soul, who feeds us writing prompts each day of december by her creative pals who author thoughtful questions. here goes for this first week:
1. one word: for 2010, my word has been REKINDLE, as in long lost loves. as in ... photography. yeah. for 2011, my word is OPEN. open to life. to people. to opportunities. to a good man. OH yeah!
2. writing: can i eliminate the thing that does not contribute to my writing? i actually can't think of one thing that does not contribute to my writing. everything contributes to my writing. absolutely everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. do i have any time wasters? is that the question? hmmm. well. often i stay up late writing, when i'd rather get up early and write *fresh*. my daily rhythm promotes health on all levels in 2011.
3. moment: most alive moment in 2010 ... meeting carol, for sure.
4. wonder: i cultivate wonder by bringing my camera on every dogwalk with daisey, every day. oh the things i see. nature's miracles everywhere.
5. let go: what/whom did i let go of this year? i let go of my mom's things which have been living in my closets and garage for over seven years. i sold her furs on ebay just last month, sent her jewelry to a friend to sell, and am working on the rest. and it doesn't make me sad (or an incapacitated puddle of tears) like it used to.
6. make: the last thing i made? photo placecards. i make things all the time with my photos. i especially like to make photo thank yous.
7. community: squam really really really was THE place i needed to go in 2010, and the people there were THE COMMUNITY i needed to find. it opened up my whole view of my place in the world!
i am an artist.
i'd never been able to say that before. someone i know very well in france asked me who i was, what i wanted to be, years ago. i said: je suis une artiste (joining the 'suis' with the 'une' with an exciting zzzzzz. as in "je swee zoon artiste"). he laughed in my face. scoffed. you're not an artist. well guess what, monsieur? i. am. an. artist. photographer. writer. expressing my Self. because i must.
and it was at squam, with all those other artists, those who already know they are artists and those, like me, who are timid about saying it. those women inspired me to my core, lifted me up into myself. so i can be true.
in 2011, the community i want to build is with other artists and creative souls (which every single person on this planet is, in fact). in my daily life. here. in mill valley.
i have lots of friends all over the bay area, all over the country, and all over the world. but very few here in mill valley. and the ones i do have are busy with small children. which makes my life quite quiet most days. so i'd like to connect more right in my own backyard.
speaking of backyards ... i visited my fab friend cyn in italy so many years ago while she was living in a little village on lake como. one of the most picturesque places on earth. every evening her neighbors sat outside watching the sunset, sharing wine and cheese and savoring the day together before dinner.
here in mill valley, i have a neighbor about 5 doors down who sips wine from a beautiful wineglass while watering his roses in the summer evenings. so my plan is to share some wine with doug, and the other neighbors when the weather gets better. start an evening ritual. some evenings in my yard, some in doug's front yard. everyone welcome. saluté!
You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it.~Author Unknown
as per the last day's instructions in my picture fall class, i made these photo placecards for thanksgiving. 15 of 'em. and then promptly proceeded NOT to go to that thanksgiving (come back thursday to find out why ... ). so i fedexed all 15 of 'em to their rightful table. and made a few more for the thanksgiving table where i ended up.
it's so much fun to share photography in our actual, real-time, analog lives (i can't believe i just wrote that. as in, analog life vs digital life? we live in very strange times ... ). so often in this digital age, our photos remain only on our computer screens, or buried in digital folders and drives, deep inside our machines. why not bring out those photos and share them?
for the end of my picture summer class, i made a photo garland which is still hanging from my living room rafters.
here are some great ideas for bringing your photos out into the light of day. and this is a great book for more of the same. and here is a photo garland you can drape on your tree!
how do you share your photos in your life?
I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
~Author Unknown
here are a couple free place card templates for those of you who would rather not use photos ...
we borrow ideas all the time. we see things, "digest" them in our body/mind system, and then they surface in a myriad of ways. usually not as explicitly or directly as this:
in my picture summer e-class, one day our "assignment" was to photograph summer fruit. i noticed a great shot in the group pool by becky, and remembered it. blueberries. that oh so cute and delectable treat. i wanted to borrow becky's idea and make a blueberry photo, too!
as summer wound down and fall arrived, berries were becoming more and more rare in the supermarket. i bought so many baskets of blueberries with the intent of photographing them. but ate them before they had a chance to pose for me!
finally i did it. i wrangled those berries until i was blue (more like red) in the face ... oh how they roll! i went back to becky's photo to see how many she stacked. how did she get four? maybe there's a mystery toothpick inside that stack of four. otherwise, she has the patience of the gods. my blueberries were rolling and tumbling and scooting all over my counter and onto the floor. i managed three.
but as you can see, my blueberry shot is totally different than becky's. i love the simplicity of her shot. she called it "zen blueberry." the composition so gentle and flowing. mine is more busy, but maybe that's a reflection of how i felt wrangling blueberries!
i don't believe there is any such thing as "stealing" ideas. we get ideas from absolutely e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. we encounter. and these things -- sights, sounds, smells, tastes, experiences -- all become a part of who and how we are. our experiences form our particular "flavor." and our flavor comes back out in our photographs (and in everything else we do).
all we can say is a hearty thank you to whoever or whatever inspired us. in this case, thank you becky and thank you blueberries!
even if there is a much more direct link between seeing something and wanting to do the same, there is no such thing as same. impossible. because each one of us is unique. like snowflakes. or blueberries.
No place is boring, if you've had a good night's sleep and have a pocket full of unexposed film.
~Robert Adams
so in last week's photoflow, i wrote about portraiture and included my friends who are really open to having their pictures taken.
on that subject, my beautiful friend (since college) laura falls into the not-so-much category. she's always been a reluctant model and photo subject.
but i want to share a photo shoot with laura that may have changed all that. we worked it! and came away with some great pictures. but it took some time.
here's when i first approached laura with my camera. granted she was naked in the hot tub. "oh my god, you are not going to take my picture!":
i talked her into letting me photograph her. "we'll get a great picture, you'll see." but she was not convinced:
and here she is with what most people do in front of a camera, the cheesey smile:
but i wasn't stopping there.
i was going for the tyra banks “smize” (smile with the eyes) and beyond. tyra coined the phrase on her show “america’s next top model.” i love that show. not for the in-house dramas between the girls. but for the stunning photography by the world's top fashion photographers. and for tyra’s mastery of finding and drawing out each girl’s quirks. tyra helps each girl embrace and reveal her own uniqueness. very empowering.
so i coached laura. and here she is becoming conscious of her face and her eyes and trying to control them. not so great:
i asked laura to open up her eyes more. not working:
then i told her not only to smile with her eyes, but to also open her heart. "remove the armor covering your soul." we were getting somewhere:
then we lost it again. self-consiousness returned. after the openness, she felt too vulnerable, and laughed:
trying to return to openness, but still armored:
come on laura. stay open. not just in the eyes. in the heart. in the soul. let your soul shine through. and boom:
and boom. right there, all of her. completely open:
and boom:
she did it. she not only smiled with her eyes. she smiled with her soul. a gentle smile. an open smile.
it takes a lot of trust to be able to be this open. to lay down the shield protecting our innermost vulnerable place. when a model or photo subject opens in this way, it makes for great photographs because it touches the viewer in that same place inside of her.
and it makes for great connection between people, in our day-to-day lives being with people, no camera in sight. open hearts meeting open hearts. soul to soul connection. i'm a human being, vulnerable just like you. try it with your loved ones. try it with the checkout person at the grocery store. open. open. open. saying inwardly "i see you. and i'm letting you see me."
When you photograph people in colour you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in B&W, you photograph their souls!
~Ted Grant
~~~~~
when i spoke to laura yesterday about this blog post, reminding her of the photo shoot in the hot tub, she said ... "i trust you. just remember my dad will be seeing it!"
and here's laura 30 years ago in college, on a backpacking trip in oregon, beautiful then and now:
i have a few girlfriends whom i've photographed for a long time, since our college days. one in particular, meg, has always welcomed my camera. the others, not so much.
with meg, it was never a case of "i am so beautiful. take a picture of ME!" not that she isn't beautiful. no, it was more of a matter of self acceptance (i yam what i yam), and a (quite rare) willingness to be seen. with or without preparation. no fussing, no "just let me put my makeup on." none of that. just, you want to take my picture? sure. here i am.
and i have a newer friend who is equally comfortable in front of the camera. terri. she, too, is always ready for a shoot. no nos. always YES! here i am!
as a photographer, i appreciate SO MUCH this willingness in people to be photographed. it just makes the photography easier, better, more free.
and more importantly, people's energy of openness feels good to be around, making those around them more open and free, too. open energy begets open energy.
but i completely understand not wanting to be photographed. i've been that way! but i am realizing that it's much more than a surface-thing of not wanting to be photographed. it's so much deeper than that.
so this week in my unravelling e-course, our assignment was to photograph ourselves. the (dreaded) SELF-PORTRAIT.
self acceptance. willingness to be seen. ok. yes. breathe. letting myself just be. i want that for others, and i want that for myself. to love others just as they are. to love myself just as i am. in photography and in life.
so in that spirit ... here. i. am.
It's weird that photographers spend years or even a whole lifetime, trying to capture moments that added together, don't even amount to a couple of hours.
~James Lalropui Keivom
while i have my around-the-world photos out from their usual home in the garage, i think i’ll continue telling some more stories from that adventure. after the last post about nepal ...
we flew from kathmandu to varanasi, india on feb 6. when planning our trip, india was the only place i was afraid to go. i was afraid i would be surrounded by hordes of desperate, destitute people pulling on my sleeves with outstretched hands, breaking my heart. it all happened, and more.
varanasi. holy holy. on the banks of the holy ganges river. regarded as a holy city by buddhists and jains, and the holiest place in the world by hindus (considered to be the center of earth in hindu cosmology). one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world and probably the oldest of india. one of the most important pilgrimage destinations in india. you get it. OLD. HOLY.
we stayed in the heart of the old city, wanted to be in the midst of it all. thought we could handle anything after shockingly dirty, poor, mysterious kathmandu. yet varanasi was so overwhelming. all systems on overload.
nearby were the ghats, the steps leading down to the ganges river ... over 100 of them. some are bathing ghats, some cremation sites. (hindus believe bathing in the ganges remits sins and that dying here ensures release of their souls.) ancient narrow labyrinth streets. teeming with people from all over india to celebrate their most important life events: to be born, get married, die, give alms. temples galore. monkeys, dogs, cows. silk merchants. maimed beggars lining the alleys to the ghats. (the best place to beg, people give for good karma.) sheer bedlam. we witnessed it all. child wedding processions. bodies on carts being pushed by their families, going to die. burning pyres. so much assaulting the senses, we could only manage to leave our room for a couple hours at a time.
and then there was the boat ride on the ganges. with three men. lovely. until. one of the men dared to touch me where i didn’t want to be touched. i screamed at them to take us back. (this was not the only time i was touched by indian men. when asking the time, they’d brush my breasts with their arm. or, i don’t know. they did it seeming to do it by accident. but i later learned, it wasn’t by accident at all.)
after a few days, we fled to dehli. to see the taj mahal in nearby agra. we planned our day-long excursion so we could take the first class train to agra. but our taxi didn’t arrive on time. i will never forget the harrowing scenes in the pre-dawn shadows outside the train station: row after row of people sleeping on cardboard on the side of the road, hundreds if not thousands of them. by the time we got to the station, the only train we could get was second class. and my worst nightmare came true: standing room only. legless, maimed, scarred, destitute beggars – some of them children -- scooting through the car the entire two hour journey, pleading at us, tugging our sleeves, with desperate eyes. we were the only tourists dumb enough to take the second class train. and we knew if we gave anything to even one person, we’d be instantly mobbed by hordes. there was nowhere to hide.
on the train, someone told us princess diana was scheduled to be at the taj mahal that day.
disembarking the traumatic train ride, we were instantly encircled by taxi men, each wanting desperately to drive us to the taj mahal. desperation driven by survival in a land of too many people and too few resources. curt and i got separated into two throngs, each of us surrounded by pressing, pushing -- and in my case, touching -- men.
we finally extricated ourselves into a taxi with one man driving, the other guy facing backward pleading with us the entire ride to hire them as tour guides for the rest of the day for $20. we said no. they kept pleading.
we arrived at the taj mahal ... tense, frazzled, heartbroken. buying our tickets at the entrance, we learned the whole taj mahal complex would be closing in 20 minutes so that lady di could have a private viewing. 20 minutes!
curt and i were miserable, arguing, blaming each other for this nightmare of a day (and when i think that millions of people LIVE like this. my heart breaks just thinking of it). we didn’t even want to walk together. at one of the most magnificent sites on earth! built in the 1600s by a mughal in memory of his third wife, the grandest gesture of love in the whole wide world. and my love and i, we despised each other in that moment. and then, just like that, we and all the other tourists were escorted out. doors closed. thud.
nothing to do but take a walk, regroup, have lunch. curt and i reconnected. relaxed. let the tensions of the morning float away in the afternoon breeze. we returned to the great taj mahal at sunset, lady di long gone. and had the most magical, love-filled time amid the stunning architecture, details and light.
hopped the fine first class train back to dehli. took a midnight flight to bombay and promptly checked ourselves into the most luxurious hotel in the city: the taj mahal palace. broke the budget at $200/night. put it on the emergency credit card. we were now the desperate ones, in dire need of peace, calm, safety, cleanliness. (this was the one and only time we stayed in a fancy hotel on the whole trip). were going to spend only one night but couldn’t bear to leave. to leave the fluffy duvet. the spacious clean room. the luxurious bathroom! the heavy white bathrobes. THE SALAD BAR! (we hadn’t had a salad in months – my favorite food -- can’t eat salad when traveling to these places, it’s washed in local water). we didn’t leave the hotel for two days.
our spending spree came promptly to an end. sadly and with trepidation, we stowed most of our luggage at the hotel, including both of my cameras. we were heading from the ultimate in luxury to the most primitive of accommodations, on a recommendation from a fellow traveller. talk about how flexible the human spirit can be!
in the early morning hours, we embarked on a mind-numbing, 24-hr bus ride. departing the city, overlooking shanty towns for as far as i could see, men squatted by the side of the road for miles, pants down, little tin cans of water for washing beside them. (apparently, indian women go discreetly in the darkness before light.) we indian bus novices were seated right under the speaker blaring jarring indian music the entire 24 hours. it took us a few stops to figure out the bathroom/chai breaks. everyone disappeared so quickly into the roadside (indian version of a truckstop) chaos. i couldn’t find the bathroom our first two stops. the third stop, in desperation, i decided be one of the first off and follow the women to the “bathroom”. oh dear. it was really just a squatting place, kind of in an alley by the side of the building, no real facilities. about as disgusting as it gets.
we arrived in diu, a fascinating melange of india and portugese influence. we had been told to find the albino lassi man. that was all we knew. but the lassi man (lassi: that yummy drink of mango and yogurt, the indian version of a milkshake) wasn’t there. we waited in the little town square in the heat of the day for hours. as people started coming out from siesta, so, too, did the lassi man! we paid him our fee of 15 rupees (25c per person per day) for the week for a hut, a “mattress” and our cooking gear. and he pointed the way to hut number 8.
the huts rented to budget travellers sat on a bluff outside a peaceful little fishing village. all the men were away fishing. the women, children and old folks remained. what a treat to witness village life up close. our mud hut was cosy and dirty, but fun! we could use the running water in the village to wash, but it only came on sometimes. after a few days, we finally figured out it came on for a brief time with a generator pump which we could hear from our hut. so when it came on, i hurried over to the village to wash my hair.
as the mornings warmed, the biting flies woke up, too, forcing us to leave our hut by 8:30am each day. we went to the beach. in the evenings the village women and children would come around to sell us food. as i got to know some of them, one day i mustered up the courage to walk through the center of the village. there was even an englishman living in this village, an artist. it was all so dirty, so poor, so basic. but the people were lovely and warm, shy but friendly.
we had ventured from the village into the larger town one day, and the place was spectacular with run-down beauty. but i hadn’t brought my cameras! so on our last day, desperate to make pictures, i borrowed a camera from one of the other travellers in a neighboring hut. i think i gave him my passport as collateral. still, i can’t believe he lent me his camera, what trust. wow. the comraderie among travellers is astounding. there’s a sense that we’re all together in this travelling way of life, separate from the locals but joined by our journeying.
that day, i found the picture making to be the absolute best on the entire RTW trip! with borrowed camera, humbled.
after diu, we made our way to bombay to fly onward to nairobi. in the bombay airport while waiting for our flight, i watched a young western guy dressed in white indian kurta wandering around aimlessly, alone, muttering to himself. after watching him for awhile, i approached him to see if i could help. he was completely stoned on something. something strong. heroin maybe? he wanted to get home to england. he didn’t know where he was. he couldn’t find his ticket or a passport, if he even had them. i tried to find an airport official who could help this man. but it was time for us to catch our flight. and we left. leaving behind so much desperation. and so much richness. so much life.
~~~~~
lessons learned: don’t sit under the speaker on indian buses. don’t leave my camera behind, ever! see the inner human beings behind their desperate circumstances.
+++++
ps – i’ve returned to india twice, both times spent in the peace of ashrams. i will return.
pps – favorite indian movies: slumdog millionaire, water, monsoon wedding, lagaan. favorite book about india: shantaram.
hiking an unrenovated, desolate portion of the great wall of china, i made this portrait of my german boyfriend thorsten. i LOVE this photo. have it framed in my kitchen (even though we stopped dating years ago).
i find this image speaks volumes about thorsten:
1. strong: just look at that frame, that physique, tall and sturdy, those lean tree trunk legs.
2. mountain man: he uses that body to get out in nature and climb high (he also runs long distance and cycles up big hills).
3. intrepid traveller: he loves visiting new places, experiencing new cultures and foods (and has lived in the states over 10 years).
4. off the beaten path: this guy marches to his own drum (has a pierced ear and plays electric guitar).
5. relaxed: his hand reveals his relaxed nature (even though he's very hardworking and ambitious).
that's a lot of information for one photo. and you can't even see his face!
and that is exactly the point: you do not need to show someone's face to show many things about her/him. showing the back may reveal even more than the face. the face can distract us from seeing all the rest there is to see of someone.
but not everyone agrees on this point.
i was going to accompany thorsten home to germany for christmas, and considered giving this photo of thorsten to his mother. i hemmed and hawed. not sure she would like a photo of her son without seeing his face. i consulted my dad -- of the parental generation -- who very much appreciated photography. he said, go for it, it's a great photograph.
so i gave it to thorsten's mom for christmas. she did not get it. no oooos and ahhhhhs. no "great photo," nicht. just a polite thank you. (she didn't get me, either, but that's another story.)
some people expect to see faces in portraits. but i am reminded to photograph the "rear view" for a change ... to see what else there is to see of someone.
Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts.
~ Minor White
when in need of a fresh perspective ...
give a kid your camera!
on a film production last summer in france and spain, i worked alongside 6 kids ranging from 9-19 (yes, i’m old enough to consider 19-year-olds “kids”). three actors, a set designer, a sound recordist, and a musical director/camera assistant -- these are some talented kids! sometimes they almost outnumbered the adults (we were 6 – 14 adults, depending on the day) on this heavenly film shoot.
one long day shooting in the middle of a vast hay field in northern spain -- during a lull in the work -- i let 11-year-old beth borrow my camera. didn't pay any attention to what she was shooting. only to find this when i got my camera back:
i love this shot, such a quiet moment captured. and the tilt just adds to the interest, bringing the moment inward, toward nicoletta who usually had to act tough (she played the beautiful villain in the film). beth reminded me that WE CAN TILT HORIZONS with fabulous results!
i was schooled for so long -- both in school and working as a photojournalist -- to get my horizons absolutely straight, perfectly horizontal. in fact, i recently posted a tilted horizon photo on facebook, and one of my former colleagues messaged back to straighten that horizon! but i'm all about breaking the (silly, constricting) rules these days.
toward the end of the shoot, with so much work behind us, we were in great need of a party. fortunately cinematographer kyle's birthday came at just the right moment. beth's younger brother arty (or was it beth again?) borrowed my camera during a festive dinner at the home of the filmmakers. and this was the result:
seeing in a completely different way than i usually see. and right on ... capturing the jovial moment: playful richard, the distinctly euro-feel of the meal, breadcrumbs and all. maybe it was just that arty -- if it was arty --sat a little lower than i normally sit, so he saw THROUGH the wineglass. whatever. the result reminds me to bend my knees, get lower, or higher, or from the side, or anything other than how i usually see from my 5'9" viewpoint.
these young people taught me so much that summer. just one of the things they taught me was how so see. with a fresh perspective.
While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.
~Dorothea Lange
i know something about abundance today.
yesterday, i was honored to have my guest blog post appear on shuttersisters.com.
shuttersisters is the best place out there there for people who want to learn and grow and share, about photography and about Life. every day when i browse around shuttersisters, i learn something new, see a different perspective, am inspired.
thank you to the official "shuttersisters sisters" for calling me an "honorary sister", and to all shutter sisters everywhere, for being my tribe. i am abundantly blessed to have found you, and look forward to much, much more.
only recently did i realize that i could make out-of-focus photographs. am i the last person on the planet to get this?
maybe i just took too many photography classes. or lingering in the back of my mind is the hell i’d have to pay my photo editor ... if the decisive moment was not TACK SHARP. old habits die hard. i’ve been out of photojournalism for 13 years!
so in july, i took my first out-of-focus-on-purpose photo. then promptly forgot about it.
then just last month, i remembered. i. can. make. a. photograph. out. of. focus. on. purpose.
WOW! the freedom! the freedom to reveal what is in my heart.
i’m learning that i can go both ways ... one part of me wants everything just-so, linear, balanced, orderly, straight, crisp, organized, controlled, and in focus ... HEAD.
and another part of me longs for soft, dreamy, evocative, ambiguous, unclear, hints, gentle, smooth, free, and out of focus ... HEART.
sometimes the crisp, sharp focus feels right. other times i want softness. out of focus on purpose. or even by accident!
and it’s ok, it’s ok to have both, to be both. we are creatures with heart and head. one is not better than the other.
but to be able to express what is in my heart, realizing that i can “break the rules” of photography that have been so ingrained in me? this is freedom.
in experimenting with out-of-focus, i have found that it works better if i front-focus, as in, if i place the focus (since the focus ring needs to go somewhere) in front of the subject – toward me – rather than behind the subject. this brings the focus point out of the frame, while leaving the subject not too out of focus. i have found that when i back-focus (placing the focus behind the subject), and get the right out-of-focusness on the subject, often something in the background stays in focus which is not what i want. i usually want it all to be out of focus, but not too much. too much can create completely indefinable blobs. which could work, too, but that’s not what i’m after these days.
following the freedom path, i would love to hear how you are becoming free, in photography and/or in life?
this one is backfocused (on the water), and i think it works in this case. i am free to break my own rules!
When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.
~Ansel Adams
btw - both my photo editors sent nice messages today. their praise still warms my soul, even after all these years ... i am so grateful to have had such fine mentors. one of them added, "discipline and order helped define the aesthetic you have today." spoken like a real mentor, yes? thank you guys!