squam-time

i've been preoccupied all summer with a huge project which i can't write about here. but the project is starting to wrap up and i just HAVE to share my recent trip to squam. ah squam. others say it's a weird-sounding word. to me, that one little five-letter word conjures up all that i crave: stunning natural beauty, a real sense of history and place, creativity with kindred souls, and lots and lots of love ... 

the dreamy lake ... 

the beauty of birch trees which we don't have on the west coast ... 

the festively decorated deephaven dining hall ...

 

my sweet home away from home ... 


and then there's the art. making art. clear. easy. beautiful. serene. open. time. and space. in which to create. SUCH A GIFT!

my mixed media piece which the ultra-lovely and ultra-talented sarah ahearn taught me how to make ...

nothing but time spent in the company of old and new soul sisters ...

dr. sarah ... 

lovely, talented AND photogenic sarah ahearn ... 

sweet soul jen ... 

whimsical eileen ... 

another sweet and talented soul diana ... 

and then there's the high priestess herself, elizabeth -- whom i like to call bethie and she calls me bunny (granted, she calls everyone 'bunny') -- who, thank god, created the whole etheric thing that is squam art workshops ...

in her inimitable way, elizabeth's parting gift on our last morning hushed the dining hall -- as we were all excitedly saying our goodbyes and trading contact into -- by reading us part of john o'donohue's "a morning offering."

may my mind come alive today
to the invisible geography
that invites me to new frontiers
to break the dead shell of yesterdays
to risk being disturbed and changed

may I have the courage today
to live the life that I would love
to postpone my dream no longer
but do at last what I came here for
and waste my heart on fear no more.

and then just as quickly as i entered into this space ... snap! the party was over.

we went our separate, but squam-connected, ways ... 

i took it all home with me, in a little pocket inside my heart. the woods. the women. creativity. time.

these few soul-nourishing days -- this time -- may be past, but they remain, completely mine ...

and i recall a lingering feeling. to remember: just be ...

photoflow: instant bliss!

just five days ago, i fell in love. again. (some of my friends find me fickle. what can i say, i just love lots of things!) 

this time, it's a love affair with *instagram* 

i had seen it around the internet, but didn’t really get it, so didn’t look into it. i’m never at the front of the pack when it comes to tekkie things, and usually i’m months if not years behind.

this time, i’ve discovered something toward its debut (instagram launched in october 2010), and it’s so much fun to see it grow. in just the last five days! it’s spreading like wildfire.

so let me share with you what i've found, to make it easier for you to join in the fun! here's the skinny:

instagram is a *free* app for iphone that lets you take pictures and add filters with a tap of your finger (similar to hipstamatic, but simpler) which turn regular photos into magnificent beauties. it also has a "tilt shift" feature which enables you to control depth of field.

the most exciting thing about instagram is its instantaneous sharing possibilities. once you take the picture, you can automatically upload your photo to fb, flickr, twitter and more. and just like fb, you can "friend" people and see their photo streams (they call it "feed") and they can see yours, instantly! these are viewed in the iphone itself, and on third-party websites (the one i use is called webstagram. i also like inkstagram).

as soon as i learned of this new delight, i emailed my friends in france and england to share. my friend manny started instagramming that very day! now i can *see* what her daily, hourly, life is like! 

in fact, i had sent manny a care package with some coconut chai which she loves but can't get over there, and this morning i saw this in my feed by manny:

it warmed my heart to see her enjoying my gift. so instead of emailing her back, i decided to instagram her a photo of my morning coconut chai!

and that is how technology can actually create connection, with someone on the other side of the world!  

here are the links and info i've found which may be helpful:

official instagram site for download: http://instagr.am/

official instagram blog: http://instagr.am/blog/

helpful articles about instagram: http://www.mercurynews.com/business/ci_18147909?nclick_check=1, http://blog.appboy.com/2010/10/5-things-instagram-got-right-that-others-before-it-couldnt/

webstagram site for viewing instagram photos: http://web.stagram.com/feed/

inkstagram site for viewing instagram photos: http://inkstagram.com/

i'm sure there's much more. maybe i'll see you there! (my username is eyechai)

megalicious

it is this kind, patient soul that i owe the becoming of eyechai.

she helped me start when i was too intimidated to begin by myself.

steadfast. smart. practical. problem-solver. everything that my dreamer-self needed.

and when the time was right, she rekindled her own true passion, teaching and tutoring, and left eyechai to venture on her own path. by then, i could stand on my own two feet. 

meg. my dear college friend. for over 30 years now. 

she came to see my studio, to oooh and aaah and be happy for me. 

dear meg, thank you for helping my dreams come true. 

(and for being my most willing photographic subject for 30 years!)

such light

 

big fun with tracey clark today. my first time to meet this inspiring woman face to face. she's the rockstar of expressive photography, founder of shutter sisters. in person, she's even more lovely, authentic, crazy talented, and warm as i found her to be online. but taller than i had imagined!

 

 

all day in stef's gorgeous and inviting teahouse studio space.

yummy, happy day. new friends, cameras, beauty, sweetness and light. mmmmmm.

let go. relax.

the day after one of the roughest weeks i've had in years and losing rocky boy ... i headed to a week at the ranch.

rancho la puerta, that is. those of us who've been there before, we just call it "the ranch." a health spa. a treat to myself for my 50th BD. worth every penny.

one full week of pure bliss. the grounds, gardens, facilities, food, and setting about as gorgeous and tasteful as could possibly be, with a rustic mexican sensibility. at the base of a sacred mountain. where everyone hikes starting at 6:30am, to kick off the day with golden boulders, fresh air, and meandering conversations with new friends.

i needed that week. i needed that 9am stretch class every day. i needed to walk along the garden paths. i needed that mountain. i needed those 8pm massages right before bed (!).

the first few days were about letting go, especially in the quiet moments. letting go of that last week with rocky, letting go of the to-do lists in my head, letting go of old ideas of how life should be.

the rest of the week was simply about moving my body in the mornings and relaxing in the afternoons. relaxing, as in falling asleep in the lounge chair by the pool. and sitting in the stone jacuzzi at sunset and watching the water spray dance in the light. 

i hadn't been that relaxed in YEARS. my system needed it. my heart needed it. and i am so grateful to have been able to go. 

* highly recommended *

do you ever?

do you ever feel like this? 

today i do. dazed and confused and unable to focus. or get anything done. like poor barbie here. 

maybe i should just sit in the garden and smile.

older now

 

so i'm fifty now. older now. wiser sometimes. 

more and more, i find myself. find myself wanting myself. wanting what's really in there. to come out. 

as for the others, they may see me as old. 

i see me as me.

 

found this poem just now. another moment of serendipity. they happen more and more ...

 

WEATHERING by fleur adcock

My face catches the wind

from the snow line

and flushes with a flush

that will never wholly settle.

Well, that was a metropolitan vanity,

wanting to look young forever, to pass.

I was never a pre-Raphaelite beauty

and only pretty enough to be seen

with a man who wanted to be seen

with a passable woman.

 

But now that I am in love

with a place that doesn't care

how I look and if I am happy,

happy is how I look and that's all.

My hair will grow grey in any case,

my nails chip and flake,

my waist thicken, and the years

work all their usual changes.

 

If my face is to be weather beaten as well,

it's little enough lost

for a year among the lakes and vales

where simply to look out my window

at the high pass

makes me indifferent to mirrors

and to what my soul may wear

over its new complexion.

oh special day

spent my big birthday in boulder. doing things i love with people i love ... 

walked around with my camera ...  

photo fun at lunch ... 

browsing one of my favorite spots in boulder, among the vietri dishes at peppercorn on pearl street. mmmmm ...

then a three-and-a-half hour dinner at the best (ambiance + food) restaurant in town ...  

with fab folks who chose tasty wine ...

and told exotic stories of their days in india and kathmandu ...  

 

they didn't sing happy birthday too loudly ... 

the gals didn't want their pictures taken, so i snapped away at the table.

a lovely day ... feels like the start of a very good year/decade! 

kissing in the rain ...

can you feel it? it's happening. it's coming. the sun. the warmth. the growth. the life. rebirth. SPRING! 

EVERYONE is coming out of their caves, their winterized spaces, their lairs. coming out into the SUN!

can you feel it? 

i have been busier these last two weeks with PEOPLE than over the whole of winter, it feels. and i have lots of photographs of these pale and happy faces. 

and yet, here i am, photographing plants, still. 

daisey and i walked out this afternoon, after a day of gray drizzle. woodsy fireplace smoke like french countryside.

raindrops lay in the late low rays of march, whispered

kiss me!

and so i did.

and this is what those kisses looked like. tasted like. wet. juicy. exciting. SPRING!

friday night reality check

friday nights can be brutal for us single folks. 

i can see someone at the grocery store on a cell phone, and it looks like he's talking to his mate at home, asking her what she wants him to bring home for dinner ... a picture of domestic bliss.

and then in my head, i go into a whole story about how EVERYONE in the whole world is paired up, like noah's ark, two by two. and i am solo. and i must be somehow defective because i am alone. and i will ALWAYS be alone. no one will EVER love me. and i will NEVER have anyone to love. and on and on into a total headspin. brutal.

and it's not true. not one word of it.

the only things that are true are: i saw a guy on the phone at the grocery store. and i'm alone TONIGHT. 

it's not the easiest thing to NOT believe our own thoughts. they seem so real. but thoughts are thoughts, made up in the mind. they are not reality. reality is that i'm sitting here typing in my office. that's it. 

tonight, friday night, i only went partially down headspin road before i made a quick u-turn. i'm going to snuggle up with daisey and count my blessings: warm home, good food, safe and sound. amen.

love and other bits: a valentine's day tribute

 

new to life. beautiful little girl betty.

middle life. beautiful grown up betty. who happened to be one of my mom's best friends. she passionately loved food and opera. stroganoff and puccini.

later in life. betty married and gave the world two boys and a girl who became my best friend sue.

yesterday sue's dear mom betty left this place for the other. 

may peace be with us all, and especially with sue and with betty. 

at times like these, it does seem that life is but a dream. a dream full of love and other bits.

ps - dear betty, please say hi to my mom for me.

walk gently

pink sky at night: sailor's (and my) delight! 

thanks goodness for my little furry friend daisey. she stops me in my busydom with her pleading eyes, tail wagging, is it time? can we go now? ok ok ok already, feeling guilty. too many hours have passed. yesterday i was in bed with a fever and she didn't get out at all. so today i promised her, and myself, some nice leisurely walks.

i launched our afternoon walk toward the much-needed pharmacy, combining leisure with errand. not always the best combination. 

and on our way back, flu-meds in hand, i finally got present. as in, i saw what was before my eyes. 

it was this pink sky in all it's daintiness and subtle beauty, gentle february hues. 

walk gently. see lightly, speak softly. of magnificence.

i love me

february = red = hearts = romance = jewels = flowers = cupid = chocolates = valentines = LOVE. it's everywhere. in stores, on tv, in magazines. i found tiny heart confetti spilled on the sidewalk today.

we all -- the collective consciousness of human beings all over the planet -- love LOVE. we love being LOVED. of course!

and those of us who have done any personal work know that no matter how much love comes toward us from the outside, if we don't have love for ourselves on the inside, then no amount of love from the outside can fill us up or ever make us truly happy. 

all around me, i see dear people having meltdowns when something on the outside triggers their lack of love on the inside, the lack of love for one's SELF. i think many, if not most, of us humans need to love ourselves more and better.

in a chapter about self-respect in his book "the power of intention," wayne dyer suggests many ways to love the self. the one that got to me was his statement:

affirm to yourself and all others that you meet, I belong!

i can be quite self-conscious in social settings, so i'm going to practice that one.

for me, taking good care of myself is a great act of self love ... hot baths before bed, and going to bed early for that matter. and silencing the inner critic. and bringing to light and loving even the dark and shameful parts of myself. 

i'd love to hear how you love yourself in real-world, practical, every day ways. don't be shy. it's something we all need more of ... chime in, in the name of love!

all this SELF love is imperative so we can share that expression with the world. so we can BE LOVE. and BEAM LOVE!