monday memories / the sporting life: one of the boys, one of the happy people

i'm sharing some of my sporting life with you in this monday memories series. last week's story was about the politics of soccer ... 

 

 

my junior year of college, i had several guy friends who came to oregon from prep schools back east. with them they brought lacrosse to the left coast, a sport we hadn't yet seen out west. they didn't think they had enough players to start a team, so they recruited me and my soccer friend sheila. i guess they figured, she's tough on the soccer field, so she can play lacrosse with the guys. and they were desperate ... 

the whole season for me was a bit of a fiasco! 

we practiced much of the year in the rain and mud, and i learned how to wield a lacrosse stick, kind of. then the spring lacrosse season rolled around, and it turned out there were so many guys who wanted to play lacrosse, probably because lacrosse players were smart, cool, and extremely social. it ended up being a huge team.

at that point, i should have bowed out gracefully like sheila did ... but i guess my childhood desire to be equal in the [man's] world still needed to prove itself, so i wasn't about to quit the team. some of the guys, the really serious players, didn't want me on the team. my buddies were mixed, they wanted to have a strong team, but they also stayed loyal to me. 

there weren't many teams then, but we found a few to play against in oregon and washington. we had a couple of away games, and the lacrosse teams are so social that the opposing teams put us up for the night before or after the game in their homes. those lacrosse boys know how to have a good time! 

when i'd show up on the field in my uniform, it would create a stir in the opposing team. they didn't quite know how to handle me. you see, men's lacrosse is a VERY ROUGH game. completely different from soccer. more like hockey. that's why they wear helmets! 

or maybe it was the uniform my teammates got for me. we had to borrow jerseys from our football team, and i'm not sure who decided that 69 was my number. young men being young men, they thought it was hilarious. i was a bit naive, and was just glad to have a jersey.

so the opposing team weren't sure if they should hit me as hard as the guys, or if they should go easy on me. i think most of them were not as rough with me, thank god! not that i played much. i had field sense, but not great ball handling skills. plus i was scared shitless!

in our last game of the season, the college allowed us to play on our main football field. there was a huge crowd watching all those foxy lacrosse players. it must have been a pretty close game, since they didn't put me in ... until the very last few minutes of the game ... when the crowd started chanting "hil - la - ry! hil - la - ry! hil - la - ry!" so our captain put me in.

i think i touched the ball once in those last minutes and didn't do anything spectacular, but at least didn't flub up.

the crowd roared!

we won!

my favorite moment of that season was the post-game party at "happy valley," the home of the greatest guys on our team. i was one of the boys, but i was also one of the gang, one of the happy people gathered in that backyard.

i remember feeling so much love for those guys, for all of our friends, for those great people. so loved and accepted. so much a part of the group. right in the middle of it. not on the outskirts.

so much love at that gathering. and it wasn't just the beer talking, i swear. maybe it was the mix of sunshine and winning and finishing the season and beer and team spirit and love all mixed in together.

you could ask any of those guys and they'd tell you the same thing. it was magical. to be a part of a group, doing what you love, running around on a field, being with those you love. it doesn't get any better than that.

~~~~~

lessons learned: join groups with people you love. there's so much power in groups of like-minded folks.

+++++

the following year, sheila and i started a women's lacrosse team. much more gentle!

g - l - o - r - y ... us

my "sister" sue from boulder is here visiting her mom. we met down at crissy field this morning for a glorious walk along the water. spectacular.

sue's aussie husband has only been to san francisco a couple of times and only on fair days when there has been no fog. so she wanted me to take a picture of the fog to send to ross back in colorado. see ross?

this morning it was just a little wisp, a little fog finger drifting out the gate under the bridge, as it does most days here. 

the sun so warm and bright, sue couldn't even keep her eyes open to be photographed (an occupational hazard if you sign up to be my friend).

i'm so sorry to all you east coasters buried under tons and tons of snow and cold (she said snidely).

hot shot mark twain once gloated, "the coldest winter i ever spent was a summer in san francisco."

so today i shout out to you mr. twain, loud and clear so you can hear me in neverneverland:

the nicest winter i ever spent was today and yesterday here in norcal. nah! 

and sue even took care of business for a moment on our walk in the sun, by the bay, with all the happy people. lucky us.

into the light

 ... dear robbie went to the light this week ...

 

 

what a great loss for us all, for the planet! 

in her presence, i felt seen and loved just as i am. she never tried to change me or fix me, but guided me gently with heart, compassion and wisdom -- the greatest of gifts anyone could ever bestow. she showed up in my life when my mom died and provide me with "mom-energy" which i needed and cherished so much. and she was HI-LAR-I-OUS, such fun to be with. we typically shared chinese food and closed many a restaurant down, lingering with our tea, fortunes and laughter. robbie, thank you for being my friend. 

her husband of forever wrote this letter to friends and family, and he said i could share it with you here. how lucky were they to have found each other and lived so many years, so well-matched? and how hard that must be to lose one's match?

my heart goes out to robbie's family and friends, to her husband and children. may peace be with you.

 

Dear Family and Friends,

Just after my mother died, an ancient rabbi told me that the good die young: God wants all the good people close to him. I was 15, not much of a believer, and those words passed over my head. They came back to me today.

Robbie died yesterday. She was brave, concerned always with helping and supporting others, and relentlessly optimistic. More than 60 people visited her bedside in the last four days of her life. But she couldn't prevail against a massive hospital-derived infection on top of her aggressive uterine cancer and, with the best care possible -- the UCSF intensive care unit and full life support -- she was unable to fight the infection. Jesse, Noel, Danielle and I, and our friend Gordon, surrounded her singing Amazing Grace. She left us during one of the five stanzas.

I told her more than once that meeting her and being her life partner was the best thing that ever happened to me. She is the most caring person I've ever known. We traveled the world together, co-parented two great children, entetained many friends, created a home together in Inverness (and less permanent homes in Stanford, Berkeley, Fairfax, The Plains, VA, Washington DC, London, College Park, Bologna, Istanbul, Adelaide, Bali, India and the SS Universe Explorer), made love a lot -- not much different from other well-matched people, but special for us.

She was one of a kind and irreplaceable. I regret not growing old together and not having grandchildren.  She'd have been an amazing grandmother.

Love,  Armin

photoflow: first place ... in listening

in november i entered a local photography contest. it was one of those meant-to-be things ... i only found out about it at the last minute because i went to our town hall requesting a building permit and saw the flyer there. 

at the contest kick-off that very evening, everyone had to pick a category out of a hat. i plucked "age" and was hardly thrilled with my category. something about the big 5 - 0 fast approaching ...  

the very first image that popped into mind was my gentleman neighbor's bald head with short white hairs circling his crown. he must be somewhere between 65 and 75 but won't fess up to his age. i ask, cajole, divulge my age over and over again ... but he's not telling! i find this hysterical. a man. an older man. who won't tell his age! 

i asked my neighbor if he was willing to let me photograph the top of his head. he was game. but i kept putting off the actual shoot. 

so many gremlins in my head, shouting: that's a dumb idea! lame! trite!

i wondered if i could shoot it with my favorite lens these days (my 50mm compact macro), really blow out the background and focus on the little white hairs ... but the gremlins returned in full force: lame! 

ok, i'll think of something else. brainstormed and came up with lists of other options, but none really grabbed me. the week got busy. the deadline fast approaching. then the weather turned and the gray, sunless days thwarted my idea of sunlight backlighting his little white hairs. gremlins: awww, forget about it! just blow it off! it's a stupid idea, anyway! don't waste your time!

on the last evening before the deadline, the sun came out. i braved over to my neighbor's. he was available and willing. we shot. we laughed. he gave me a tour of his home and backyard. got to know him a little better. had fun. 

later that evening i kept procrastinating working on the image. i waited until after 11pm facing a midnight deadline. sat down to process the image. gremlins: it's no good! doesn't work! lame! and on and on.

somehow, i mustered the courage to enter my photo just before midnight. 

and it turns out i won!: first place in the age category. featured in the local newspaper. photo hanging at the community center for a month. and $100 worth of gift certificates. 

i'm sharing this not to toot my own horn. don't get me wrong. winning is always fun. but i've been able to watch myself during this whole experience, and i've been able to see that the gremlins in my head are not my true Self. yet i often listen to them because they are LOUD.

i know that the gremlins are nothing but fear. fear raising its voice. shouting. fear trying to keep my little ego safe.

but that fear is suffocating. that fear is limiting. and i do not want to be acting from that place. i want to act from the place that watches the gremlins. the place that is inspired and creative. the place that is everlasting and unchanging. my true Self. 

i know that fear and emotions come and go, like the weather. i know that incessant, uncreative and unthinking "thoughts" are just that: thoughts. and i don't have to listen to them. 

hey gremlins: YOU'RE THE STUPID ONES!

my first place win is a testament to listening to that first image that popped into my mind's eye. my instinct. my inner self knowing exactly what is to be done. what is right for me. trusting my Self. that still small voice that i am nurturing so it can grow more confident and loud, stronger than the gremlins in my head. 

i proudly accept this first place win in honor of listening to my true Self. 

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs. 

~Ansel Adams

five things: arj and flash

 orange tights

professional funny man arj barker hails from my hometown. here he riffs ...

- as a rapper buddhist who opened his third eye on his first try

- on aussie-speak at the melbourne comedy festival where they call him arjy barjy

do you like flash mobs as much as i do? here are two flashes ...

- glee flash mob in roma

- sound of music flash mob in antwerp

and the quirky improv folks doing their thing ... 

- freeze in grand central station

happy friday!