head start on the new year
my gear rested for quite some time in the back of my closet, untouched, waiting. finally something got into me. i want to move, move my body. now!
swimming. biking. running. it looks a little bit like a triathlon is in my future. but i promise, those days are over. still, i love to do all of these activities. hard at first, winded, sore, slow. but each day i see progress. a little easier, a little smoother.
and a lot lighter. of spirit. feels good.
let go. relax.
the day after one of the roughest weeks i've had in years and losing rocky boy ... i headed to a week at the ranch.
rancho la puerta, that is. those of us who've been there before, we just call it "the ranch." a health spa. a treat to myself for my 50th BD. worth every penny.
one full week of pure bliss. the grounds, gardens, facilities, food, and setting about as gorgeous and tasteful as could possibly be, with a rustic mexican sensibility. at the base of a sacred mountain. where everyone hikes starting at 6:30am, to kick off the day with golden boulders, fresh air, and meandering conversations with new friends.
i needed that week. i needed that 9am stretch class every day. i needed to walk along the garden paths. i needed that mountain. i needed those 8pm massages right before bed (!).
the first few days were about letting go, especially in the quiet moments. letting go of that last week with rocky, letting go of the to-do lists in my head, letting go of old ideas of how life should be.
the rest of the week was simply about moving my body in the mornings and relaxing in the afternoons. relaxing, as in falling asleep in the lounge chair by the pool. and sitting in the stone jacuzzi at sunset and watching the water spray dance in the light.
i hadn't been that relaxed in YEARS. my system needed it. my heart needed it. and i am so grateful to have been able to go.
* highly recommended *
my sweet rocky boy
my sweet rocky went to kitty heaven today.
he was the best cat. sweet, soulful, and smart, with big curious eyes, and extra toes making his paws seem extra large. he liked using those mitts (thus the name rocky); he had a penchant for opening closet doors. and he had just the right sensibility when it came to snuggling. not completely in my face like my other (bratty) cat, but always around, sleeping at the foot of the bed but never pinning my feet under the covers. we lived well together.
i'd never been sure how old he was because i got him as an adult from the humane society. and i'm sad to say he did not die from old age.
i'm not 100% sure, but i think he ate some leftover grass after my yard was sprayed for weeds. normally i wouldn't have the yard sprayed, but all the grass and plants had been ripped out in preparation to completely redo the yards. the gardeners chose a supposedly non-toxic and organic spray, and i OKed it. the label said it was safe.
the main ingredients in this spray are clove oil and citric oil. sounded harmless enough to me, natural, essential oils. great. but our vet explained citric oil is toxic to cats.
i will be so much more careful in the future. but i thought this information was worth sharing. it could save a kitty's life.
this is the last photo i took of rocky this last week, trying to coax him to drink water.
monday memories / the sporting life: dancing for my supper
i'm sharing some of my sporting life with you in this monday memories series. last week's story was about playing on the men's lacrosse team in college ...
so after college came grad school and career. not much time for sports.
several years into my job at the long beach press-telegram, i went to australia to visit my cousin who was studying trees there, and planned a trip to the great barrier reef. i figured this is the one time i'm going to australia, i'm going diving there.
reserved a place at a fancy -- and i mean FANCY -- resort in the barrier reef called hayman island. hadn't been on vacation for many years. it was time to treat myself. but the week before i left, i realized this resort would be filled with honeymooners, not the best place to travel solo. there was another option close by, but i was equally hesitant for opposite reasons. club med. i figured it'd be filled with drunk 20-year-olds. hmmm. honeymooners or drunk 20-year-olds??? i opted for club med. and it was not at all what i expected.
this club med was a "family club," on a stunning island inside the barrier reef, with sports GALORE, and i could do them all! (i remember being so grateful to my parents for helping me learn to do any and all sports, even though neither of them were at all athletic.) and the partying was relatively tame. i kept pushing back my departure date, leaving me less and less time with my cousin. i was having a blast. so many sports! and one handsome man.
my last day there, i asked, "how can i work here?" ... they said they might be needing a tennis teacher ... and a few months later, i was teaching tennis at club med lindeman island.
and how did i swing that?! hah!
first i needed to learn how to teach tennis! i had played a lot as a youngster, tennis camp at 14, all that. but hadn't played in years. i found renowned and hilarious teacher vic braden at his orange county tennis academy. christmas vacation tennis clinic for tennis pros. somehow i talked my way into the course.
at work, my boss was on vacation. for a week, my colleagues helped me switch schedules so i could work the 7am shift and leave a little early to race down to tennis class. i learned how to teach well enough for teaching beginners. got a 6-month leave of absence from work. and WOOHOO! became the junior tennis instructor at club med!
i can hardly believe it myself. and have no photos to prove it (just this one doing my daily shift in the tennis & golf shack). but i loved it. i still wasn't a great player, so whenever i wanted to play tennis for fun, i played on the most remote court so the guests wouldn't see me playing ... didn't want them to lose their confidence in me!
but club med was about so much more than tennis. the staff or GOs (gentils organisateurs) not only act as hosts for the guests (gentils membres) during the day, but the GOs also perform in the elaborate shows at night. that's just part of the gig of working there. dancing for room and board and a teeny tiny stipend.
whaaaaaaat? who me? dance?
(remember, i was a total tomboy growing up and didn't do sissy stuff like dance.)
yessirree bob. at club med, i danced. kinda caught the performing bug, you might say.
first week, they had me do an easy gig, not too far outside of my comfort zone. we 4 american staff members dressed up like red white and blue dorks, it must have been the 4th of july.
then a few months later, they had me doing a show. a show. a show? way outside my comfort zone. we rehearsed from 11-12 at night after the nightly entertainment was over and the guests had dispersed. i had to get up at 6am to be at the golf shack. those were short nights at club med.
i was fit enough to dance, but not very graceful. and scared! found it quite challenging to remember all the choreography. but also i found, like team sports, that when i relaxed and got into the flow with my fellow dancers, my body seemed to remember and i could feel my stagemates and move with them. THAT is what i love about team sports and dance, too. being completely in the moment and FEELING with all senses completely open and on, and flowing with the group, making something magical happen.
but i seriously needed more rehearsal. the first show, i forgot my gloves in one number. that's me in the back, facing the wrong way.
facing the wrong way again.
and was pretty much facing the wrong direction most of the time those first few shows. after my very first performance on stage, my boss noted,
hillary, don't forget to smile! you looked petrified up there!
over time, my confidence grew a bit. encouraged to enter the costume contest with a guest, i entered as marilyn monroe with guest dean martin. my partner was a fabulous dancer and spun me around. we won!
so then i volunteered with my roommate cynthia and another gal to do a lip sync to diana ross and the supremes. i was really getting into the performing thing now ...
at the very end of my stint at club med, the sports team had to perform a crazy skit before dinner in which all of us ended up in the pool. i squeezed into a tiny leotard, totally embarrassed by my outfit but that was THE OUTFIT for the role and the costume department wasn't going to change it ... and the show must go on!
back at home, i returned to being behind the camera. watching others. not the one being watched. where it is comfortable.
to be honest, i do miss the stage! and i miss dancing. who'd have thunk it?!
~~~~~
lessons learned: while i LOVE LOVE LOVE doing photography, i think it's also healthy for me to be in front of the camera. shining out. hey universe, how can i have both in my life?
~~~~~
ps - the handsome man didn't speak to me when i returned to the island. men! that's ok. there were other fish in the coral sea.
including this one, that i let get away.
i really liked him. kind. nice mixture of humble and confident. handsome. we shared a champagne sunset on the 8th hole of the golf course one evening.
when i got home from club med, he wanted to fly me up to vancouver to see him.
i chickened out and didn't go.
if anyone knows this man, who was living in vancouver bc in the 1990s, please contact me! or forward this to the one that got away.
monday memories / the sporting life: the early years
this is the beginning of another series of monday memories (similar to the "RTW trip" series) called "the sporting life." i'd like to share some of my sporting stories with you!
not to be confused with the yesteryear definition of "sporting" which my father explained meant "loose woman." i used to own a boutique stock photography agency called "see jane run" with the tagline "pictures of sporting women." i had to convince my dad that the term had shifted since his early days.
that is not what we're talking about here!
nope. this is just about my sporting life which started as soon as i could walk. or run. or climb. or swim.
even at four years old, i LOVED to swim.
we didn't have a pool of our own, but we had friends, clubs, friends' clubs, and vacations. and my grandma had a pool. my parents took me for swim lessons in chinatown; i guess they had a good pool there. i couldn't get enough of the water.
jumping diving sliding gliding splashing floating
hours and hours were spent in whatever pool we visited, pretending i was a fish. i'd stay underwater for as long as my little lungs could manage. with tummy touching bottom, wriggling along catfish-style for long spells until i had to surface, gasping for air, now pretending i was a dolphin with blowspout.
"adult swim" were dirty words in my narrow vocabulary, bringing a frown to my sunbrowned cheeks.
when my parents called me out of the pool at the end of a long day, i'd lie face down on the warm pool deck and they'd cover me with a sun-kissed towel. i closed my eyes and inhaled the wet cement smell. spent. exhausted. bliss.
born on march 21, first day of spring, first day of aries, on the cusp with pisces ... water is in my consciousness. i dream of water frequently. flying and diving into great bodies of water.
and i was given a strong body. a body made to move.
i was also fearless. i loved to dive, bouncing and flying and diving into the pool. when i was about eight, a coach saw me playing on the high dive and asked my parents if he could coach me to be an olympic diver.
shortly after that meeting, i developed ear problems and had to wear ear and nose plugs while swimming for many years. diving was verboten. the olympics were not my fate. (i was eventually in a different kind of olympics, which i'll tell you about in a few weeks.)
i did join the local swim team when i was about 10 or 12 and excelled in the backstroke, IM (one lap each of fly - back - breast - free) and freestyle.
a competitor was born!
~~~~~
lessons learned: whatever we loved as children -- when we were at our purest -- is really what we love always. is what makes our heart soar. keep doing that.
+++++
what did YOU love as a child? are you still loving/doing that?
wisdom words: health
in with the new, the messy
optimistically hoping for everything to be in order by 1/1/11 ... 'tis sadly not the case :-(
anyone who knows me knows, i don't like messes. and right now, my office is a mess, my filing cabinets are a mess, my computer files are a mess, my lightroom catalog is a mess, my garage is a mess ...
funny, before the holidays all this was pretty much in the same state of affairs. but i want NEW! CLEAN! BRIGHT! SHINY! IT'S A NEW YEAR, AFTER ALL!
i have forgiven myself for totally dropping the ball in december with picture the holidays and reverb10, two very worthy projects. i was just too busy scurrying around and celebrating! but the messes, grrr ...
lord knows, i know that whenever i disagree with what IS, i create my own suffering. and the messes IS messy. and the oh-so-many-things i want to do IS messy, too. i'm a spring baby, born on march 21. aries. look out! headstrong. stubborn. impatient. and i can smell spring already!
all the work i've done to be in the om zone has flown right out the window with the new year. huh? how did that happen?
maybe it's cause i gave up dairy on new year's day. found out the night before christmas i'm casein intolerant, sadly. as in, no cow/sheep/goat dairy. none. no yogurt even!
maybe i just need to pull out one or more tools i've learned to ground in the present and accept what IS: breathe. lie down with a heavy blanket covering my body. hold a pillow. look around the room and name things in present time. yoga. bath. rub my legs in downward direction. feel my feet on the floor. i know all the tricks. yeah, i probably should have done that before sitting down to write this. forgive me? (life sure is messy sometimes!).
anyway, i wanted to let you know i'm switching things up a bit here at eyechai. i need to Focus on the 4 F's +1 right now: Fitness, Foto biz, Friends, Family and house remodel. which for me means that i need to blog later in the day instead of first thing. or shorter posts? more photos? (i can't write too late in the evening or it'll be punchy like tonight!) i'm not sure yet if i'll still be able to post 5x week, but i'll let you know as soon as i've figured out the new blogging regime. please don't go away, though, i love creating this eyechai blog and i love YOU!
meantime, is your new year clean or messy, accepting or not? what IS up with you? (great, now i'm ungrounded AND punchy. what next?)
go to bed, hillary.
love,
me
and so it goes ...
yesterday it was sunny. today it is raining. and so it goes.
has been a flurry of a week, since i lost a week last week (sick). and 'tis the flurry of the season.
i'm off to portland for christmas with friends, then my brother and family are coming for a visit the following week.
will be back here in the new year, ready to rock and roll!
may you have healthy, joy- and love-filled holidays and a happy new year!
solstice wishes coming true ...
peace,
xh
not (five things) today
this is my mouth, the mouth that likes to sing, from a few happy days ago. not my mouth today, i'm afraid.
i am still sooooooo sick. the saddest part about it is that my biannual choir concert is this weekend! i survived our mandatory wednesday night choir rehearsal, just. and we have another mandatory rehearsal tonight. both of these are our first rehearsals this season with the professional orchestra and three soloists ... absolutely thrilling.
somehow i will get all dressed up in black and pearls and sing this weekend and survive ... and thank goodness there are 109 other singers to drown out my croakey voice. you won't catch me NOT singing. ain't gonna happen. i'm there.
but, dear reader, i am not HERE today. i am so sorry. my head is in a vice grip, my ears are in a descending airplane, and my throat is on fire. just the last few sentences a serious struggle. so. i'm climbing back into bed. forgive me.
may you have a great weekend. enjoy the holiday spirit. don't get all crazy on us!
here's a good idea ... go listen to a choral concert!
xh
monday memories: latke heaven/hell
the only memory i have for you today is this from my cousin mark's rockin' latke party this weekend.
i am seriously under the weather, my throat is on fire, my brain is underwater, and hopefully as you are reading this, i am tucked snugly into bed.
this cold/flu may be just-what-i-get for eating too many latkes on saturday. or is that the gelt talking?! (you may have to be jewish, or know a little yiddish, to understand this!)
anyway, the finale of our RTW trip will post next monday, with any luck. the following week, i have a new series ready to continue on monday memories ...
thank you for your understanding.
now bed.