for the love of a machine

for so long now, i've had a love/hate relationship with my computer.

and digital photography means that i am tethered to my machine. 

i have to sit my ass in a chair in a room in my house in order to complete my photographic vision.

no more standing in a dark room with a red light, often with other people, swaying to music, watching my visions come alive. 

nope. here i sit. alone. when all i want is to be out, with people, moving and seeing and living. connecting.

and while i have participated in many online classes, and have had a blog now for a couple years, and even met and had an amazing experience with the first ever people to whom i wrote after reading their blog ... 

still, the people in my computer seemed so far away. little links that appeared as "handles" were mostly just that, little letters on my screen with an underline.

i never really thought about the actual people who are on the other side of those underlines, those funny names. until now. 

 

link = whole human being.

link = potential friend.

link = possible soul sister.

and computer = connection. 

(kind of like the telephone, but i can "call" people i haven't actually met yet.)

maybe the younger set has known this all along.

but i just realized this at camp when i actually got to meet the living ladies behind the links. and saw how connected people were with their "online" friends, before they ever met in real life. 

and i realized, my computer is my passport to the world. and to friends. to love. 

Update on 2011-11-01 05:53 by hillarah

this post is for meghan who took the time and made the effort to comment on my blog once or twice over the last many months, and to whom i never responded. 

she happened to be in my carpool down to asilomar for camp. and we happened to learn in those two hours that we are total soul sisters. 

i could have learned that, had that, a long time ago and had even more yummy sister goodness in my life! now i know!

Update on 2011-10-28 07:23 by hillarah

on the last night of camp, i witnessed up close the first meeting of adriana (huge maine momma fan) and kristen (maine momma). all love and hugs and excitement. another example of the real power of internet connection. 

just what my heart needed

arrived home this afternoon weary, exhausted. too much to do, too many decisions, too too too. until i saw the package from germany placed on my front porch. and i knew, this was exactly what my heart needed. i waited until the right moment, and sat, and touched the linen cover, let my eyes drink it in. and opened.

i had been anticipating this *stunning* book by ubertalented stylist/photographer/traveller pia jane bijkerk for months after having discovered her blog. not available yet on US amazon. after searching around for the past three weeks since it was released in australia, i finally found one, i think from amazon germany. MINE! i jumped on it with my credit card.

tonight my heart will wander, with pia's, to france and holland. and then further on, my heart will continue to wander. mine heart.

in with the new, the messy

optimistically hoping for everything to be in order by 1/1/11 ... 'tis sadly not the case :-(

anyone who knows me knows, i don't like messes. and right now, my office is a mess, my filing cabinets are a mess, my computer files are a mess, my lightroom catalog is a mess, my garage is a mess ... 

funny, before the holidays all this was pretty much in the same state of affairs. but i want NEW! CLEAN! BRIGHT! SHINY! IT'S A NEW YEAR, AFTER ALL! 

i have forgiven myself for totally dropping the ball in december with picture the holidays and reverb10, two very worthy projects. i was just too busy scurrying around and celebrating! but the messes, grrr ... 

lord knows, i know that whenever i disagree with what IS, i create my own suffering. and the messes IS messy. and the oh-so-many-things i want to do IS messy, too. i'm a spring baby, born on march 21. aries. look out! headstrong. stubborn. impatient. and i can smell spring already!

all the work i've done to be in the om zone has flown right out the window with the new year. huh? how did that happen? 

maybe it's cause i gave up dairy on new year's day. found out the night before christmas i'm casein intolerant, sadly. as in, no cow/sheep/goat dairy. none. no yogurt even!

maybe i just need to pull out one or more tools i've learned to ground in the present and accept what IS: breathe. lie down with a heavy blanket covering my body. hold a pillow. look around the room and name things in present time. yoga. bath. rub my legs in downward direction. feel my feet on the floor. i know all the tricks. yeah, i probably should have done that before sitting down to write this. forgive me? (life sure is messy sometimes!).

anyway, i wanted to let you know i'm switching things up a bit here at eyechai. i need to Focus on the 4 F's +1 right now: Fitness, Foto biz, Friends, Family and house remodel. which for me means that i need to blog later in the day instead of first thing. or shorter posts? more photos? (i can't write too late in the evening or it'll be punchy like tonight!) i'm not sure yet if i'll still be able to post 5x week, but i'll let you know as soon as i've figured out the new blogging regime. please don't go away, though, i love creating this eyechai blog and i love YOU!

meantime, is your new year clean or messy, accepting or not? what IS up with you? (great, now i'm ungrounded AND punchy. what next?) 

go to bed, hillary.

love,

me

reverb(erating), week one

i just found out about reverb and joined in. it's an online *reverberation* reflecting on this past year and manifesting in the coming year. dreamt up by this creative soul, who feeds us writing prompts each day of december by her creative pals who author thoughtful questions. here goes for this first week: 

1. one word: for 2010, my word has been REKINDLE, as in long lost loves. as in ... photography. yeah. for 2011, my word is OPEN. open to life. to people. to opportunities. to a good man. OH yeah!

2. writing: can i eliminate the thing that does not contribute to my writing? i actually can't think of one thing that does not contribute to my writing. everything contributes to my writing. absolutely everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. do i have any time wasters? is that the question? hmmm. well. often i stay up late writing, when i'd rather get up early and write *fresh*. my daily rhythm promotes health on all levels in 2011. 

3. moment: most alive moment in 2010 ... meeting carol, for sure. 

4. wonder: i cultivate wonder by bringing my camera on every dogwalk with daisey, every day. oh the things i see. nature's miracles everywhere.

5. let go: what/whom did i let go of this year? i let go of my mom's things which have been living in my closets and garage for over seven years. i sold her furs on ebay just last month, sent her jewelry to a friend to sell, and am working on the rest. and it doesn't make me sad (or an incapacitated puddle of tears) like it used to. 

6. make: the last thing i made? photo placecards. i make things all the time with my photos. i especially like to make photo thank yous.

7. community: squam really really really was THE place i needed to go in 2010, and the people there were THE COMMUNITY i needed to find. it opened up my whole view of my place in the world!

i am an artist.

i'd never been able to say that before. someone i know very well in france asked me who i was, what i wanted to be, years ago. i said: je suis une artiste (joining the 'suis' with the 'une' with an exciting zzzzzz. as in "je swee zoon artiste"). he laughed in my face. scoffed. you're not an artist. well guess what, monsieur? i. am. an. artist. photographer. writer. expressing my Self. because i must. 

and it was at squam, with all those other artists, those who already know they are artists and those, like me, who are timid about saying it. those women inspired me to my core, lifted me up into myself. so i can be true. 

in 2011, the community i want to build is with other artists and creative souls (which every single person on this planet is, in fact). in my daily life. here. in mill valley. 

i have lots of friends all over the bay area, all over the country, and all over the world. but very few here in mill valley. and the ones i do have are busy with small children. which makes my life quite quiet most days. so i'd like to connect more right in my own backyard.

speaking of backyards ... i visited my fab friend cyn in italy so many years ago while she was living in a little village on lake como. one of the most picturesque places on earth. every evening her neighbors sat outside watching the sunset, sharing wine and cheese and savoring the day together before dinner. 

here in mill valley, i have a neighbor about 5 doors down who sips wine from a beautiful wineglass while watering his roses in the summer evenings. so my plan is to share some wine with doug, and the other neighbors when the weather gets better. start an evening ritual. some evenings in my yard, some in doug's front yard. everyone welcome. saluté!

what are you thankful for?

i am thankful that i have a loving family with whom to celebrate thanksgiving. daisey and i are heading to utah for the holiday week. so i'm taking a little break from this blogspace. but will be back the following week. 

and i am thankful for YOU, dear reader, for reading, looking, commenting ... THANK YOU.

celebrate well. peace.

xh

help girls. it matters.

you know how some movies can really get under your skin? four years ago i saw the movie blood diamond. i vowed never again to buy diamonds. and i started sponsoring a girl in a village in zambia. 

jane is now 12 

i knew my monthly help is life-changing for Jane. and i knew how imperative it is to educate girls and keep girls safe. but i had a real aha! moment when i saw this video, below, and grokked that I AM REALLY HELPING A GIRL, AND IT MATTERS. 

the girl effect ripples outward. every girl we help makes a huge difference ... 

girleffect.org is here to help you help girls.

see the original girl effect video (don't let the beginning deter you ... )

the international community understands the power of the girl effect ... 

and see this powerful girl in ethiopia.

i urge you to do whatever you can to help girls. you could save a life. and save the world. because the most powerful force of change on the planet is A GIRL.

what YOU CAN DO right now: 

1. donate (you can even help buy film for kenyan girls photography lessons)

2. be informed

3. share the reports

4. download the fact sheet

5. raise awareness by joining the girl effect blogging campaign

6. spread the word! 

7. oh, and read half the sky

wisdom words: abundance

i know something about abundance today. 

yesterday, i was honored to have my guest blog post appear on shuttersisters.com. 

shuttersisters is the best place out there there for people who want to learn and grow and share, about photography and about Life. every day when i browse around shuttersisters, i learn something new, see a different perspective, am inspired.

thank you to the official "shuttersisters sisters" for calling me an "honorary sister", and to all shutter sisters everywhere, for being my tribe. i am abundantly blessed to have found you, and look forward to much, much more.

fall: out with the old, in with the new ... website that is!

fall is here, change is in the air. can you feel it? the lazy daze of summer seems long gone. i love summer. love the languidness, the looseness, the sense that these days will go on forever ...

fall brings frenzy. somehow we are tuned in to be just little squirrels, scurrying around, busy busy busy, pulling in the loose ends of summer, tightening up the routine ...

and here at eyechai, it has been a scene of work work work. culminating in a new website!

you see, wordpress has been very good to us. but. they dumped our "theme" (template) and popped in a new one, without even a peep in advance. one morning i woke up to see our site was all screwed up. i guess you get what you pay for. and we were using the free version of wordpress.

clearly it was time for eyechai to step it up, to get a bit more, shall we say, serious!

our new site is hosted by squarespace. we pay for it. so they won't change it on us. and i love squarespace!

tell us what you think of our new digs.

we have many new images up in our shop, as prints and greeting cards.

and the galleries are fun to browse through ... tell us which images you particularly like, or the ones that don't speak to you. any and all feedback is welcome! mostly, it's just so nice to hear from you.

this was the last post on wordpress. hasta la vista, baby!

Update on 2010-12-14 06:56 by hillarah

turns out this is also the last post of eyechai as a two-person team. meg has decided she wants to concentrate on teaching and tutoring. so i am continuing with eyechai on my own. a millions thanks to meg, my college roommate and dear friend, for helping bring eyechai to fruition. may you enjoy the next phase of your journey, meg! 

spring forward (hill)

well we just launched our little greeting card store yesterday, and today is my birthday, and it is the beginning of spring. good time for un debut. we may be debutantes in the card arena, but we are no spring chickens!

anyway, wanted to give a loud shout out to tina and nina! tina is one of my oldest and dearest friends. nina is one of my newest and on the other coast friends. somehow real friends always stay in touch, and time passed in between matters not.

tina and nina performed true friend gestures: they offered support and encouragement by being the first two to make purchases of our greeting cards! my heart was deeply touched by their gestures, and reminded me of something i learned from my dad.

my father was not one to say i love you until much later in life. but he was ALWAYS THERE for me. supporting by showing up, being physically there, at my games, performances, races, visiting me where ever i was living no matter in the usa or europe, making weekly walking dates, etc.

in the cyberworld, being there takes different forms. one form is actually suppporting by making the time to look at a friend's blog, new online store, and in this case, actually making a purchase, a physical being there in a great way.

thank you tina and nina for being there! and anyone else who happens to purchase, or make time to look or read, or better yet COMMENT! we appreciate it all very much.

when you put your heart out in the world, even in cyberspace, it feels good to know that that world, too, is a safe place, filled with friends and loved ones.

thank you.

Why I swore I'd never blog (meg)

Why have I been so reluctant to add my name to the ranks of those engaged in this august genre?  Do you promise not to judge me if I tell you?  Okay, I'll tell you.  I'm afraid you'll judge me!  Also,  I suspect that the blog moment has passed.  I'm always late to the party: by the time I like a thing the cachet is gone, the glow is dimmed, the bloom is off the cosmo (or the mojito as the case may be).    In fact, one of my friends, when told about this project, indulgently smiled and told me not to worry because people weren't really blogging anymore.  And by that she meant the cool people.   In addition, the thought of putting my most personal and trivial (but hopefully catchy) thoughts out into the I-guess-it's-called-the-blogosphere clashed with the part of me that has always thought the folks who do that are attention whores.   Nature abhors a vacuum; I abhor an attention whore.  Also, who cares anyway?  What about my life could possibly be of interest to anyone else?  Or more disturbingly, do I actually have anything to say? What if I go to the well and find only one or two good ideas there?  Does that mean my life is less than the lives of those who manage to fill up page after page?   And last but not least, do I really want to be some pathetic old woman overusing emoticons and making a fool of myself?  I suppose all those really boil down to one thing:  I don't want to make a fool of myself.  However, because there's no guarantee that I won't become a passive, foolish and pathetic old woman anyway, I've decided it's better to perhaps be a foolish, pathetic old woman who tries new things than one who doesn't.  So thanks Hill for pushing me and fear be damned--here I come!