wisdom words: going in

photoflow: the faceless portrait

hiking an unrenovated, desolate portion of the great wall of china, i made this portrait of my german boyfriend thorsten. i LOVE this photo. have it framed in my kitchen (even though we stopped dating years ago). 

i find this image speaks volumes about thorsten:

1. strong: just look at that frame, that physique, tall and sturdy, those lean tree trunk legs.

2. mountain man: he uses that body to get out in nature and climb high (he also runs long distance and cycles up big hills).

3. intrepid traveller: he loves visiting new places, experiencing new cultures and foods (and has lived in the states over 10 years).

4. off the beaten path: this guy marches to his own drum (has a pierced ear and plays electric guitar).

5. relaxed: his hand reveals his relaxed nature (even though he's very hardworking and ambitious).

that's a lot of information for one photo. and you can't even see his face!

and that is exactly the point: you do not need to show someone's face to show many things about her/him. showing the back may reveal even more than the face. the face can distract us from seeing all the rest there is to see of someone. 

but not everyone agrees on this point. 

i was going to accompany thorsten home to germany for christmas, and considered giving this photo of thorsten to his mother. i hemmed and hawed. not sure she would like a photo of her son without seeing his face. i consulted my dad -- of the parental generation -- who very much appreciated photography. he said, go for it, it's a great photograph. 

so i gave it to thorsten's mom for christmas. she did not get it. no oooos and ahhhhhs. no "great photo," nicht. just a polite thank you. (she didn't get me, either, but that's another story.) 

some people expect to see faces in portraits. but i am reminded to photograph the "rear view" for a change ... to see what else there is to see of someone. 

Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts. 

~ Minor White

monday memories / RTW trip: hugging hills and yaks

while i have my around-the-world photos out from their usual home in the garage, i think i’ll continue telling some more stories from that adventure. after the last post about thailand ...

flying into kathmandu from bangkok was like entering a completely different planet. (and we hadn't even gotten to india yet ... i know i keep saying that. india is a different universe altogether!) kathmandu in january: misty, dark, mysterious, ancient, impoverished, damp. we had to spend about a week gaining our bearings, figuring out which trek to do, getting all the necessary official papers and permits, paying fees, gathering gear. 

before our RTW (round the world) departure, curt and i had set up a very loose itinerary which we gave to our friends and family, including the american express offices in each country we were to visit. back in the days before email and cell phones, amex offered locations for mail and packages to be held for travellers. so out in kathmandu one day, searching for the office, i spied a young western traveller coming toward me on the sidewalk. i stopped her and asked her if she knew where the american express office was located. she pointed me in the right direction, and we went our separate ways, not knowing that moment began a long and deep friendship. 

a few days later, karin was on the bus to pokhara with us along with her bf chris, another young couple from canada, and a load of nepali people. the six of us became instant friends, all on the same adventure: trekking the 21-day annapurna circuit. but first, we had to survive the treacherous eight-hour, gut-wrenching, brain-jostling bus ride. the road from kathmandu (capital city) to pokhara (second city) was virtually the only road in nepal, and much of it wasn't paved. our bus looked like it had been through a war, but many didn't make it, evidenced by rusted busted bus parts strewn down the mountain cliffs. harrowing. but we survived. 

one night in the idyllic, lakeside village of pokhara (where i left my whole fanny pack -- wallet and passport inside -- at a store, and later retrieved it from a gentle woman who would have had a year's worth of income had she stolen my cash) and we started our trek.  

fortunately we were young, strong and fit. even so, our six-some dwindled to a four-some just a few days in ... canadian christine suffered terrible headaches, nausea and sleeplessness due to altitude. her system just couldn't acclimate, so they had to turn around. you can't mess with mother nature, especially around the highest peaks on earth. karin, chris, curt and i heaved onward and upward. 

elevation in METERS, not feet!the annapurna circuit was and still is the most popular trekking route in nepal. easy to navigate without a guide(though i would get one now, to learn more about the culture), from tea lodge to tea lodge, each equipped with shared bunk rooms, filtered water, people from all over the world, decent food (even "beritos" and "vejjie bergers" -- though curt consistently chose the local daal bhat 3x/day). and yet, we were alone on the trail most of the time. the scenery varied from lush terraced fields -- lemon trees, almost tropical -- to monkeys swinging through forests, to barren hillsides and mountains, to bleak desolate villages, to the ultimate peaks reaching the heavens. 

these paths and trails we walked on every day were the "freeways" of the nepali. they had to carry everything they needed in their villages on their backs, usually with a tump line strapped around their foreheads. crates of eggs, canned goods, coke bottles!, firewood, etc etc etc. and usually, the locals were barefoot. or in the simplest footwear. the calf muscles on these folks! you could tell the professional sherpas -- they sported expensive hiking boots. 

we learned early on, "hug the hill" (not me-hill, the mountain-hill). on one particularly treacherous 5-foot-wide trail along a rock face, along came a yak train which i mistakenly got on the outside of (as in, NOT hugging the hill), staring down a 200-foot sheer drop. adrenaline surging, i had to hug the yaks to stay on the trail. even though they are huge/scary/smelly creatures, they were less scary than my other choice. hug the hill, definitely. but when in doubt, hug a yak! (i did not make that mistake again. when i saw a yak train coming our way, i just found a safe place to pull over, hug the hill and wait for the beasts to pass.)

only wealthy nepali can afford to ride horseback to their marriage ceremony 

i didn't know a lick about nepali/buddhist/tibetan culture or religion. chris did, though, and kept us well informed, and he's good with maps, too. so many hours to talk while we walked. (such a blessing to have so much TIME to just be with people). but my interest in spirituality of all kinds and the religions of the world has grown since then. had i known then what i know now, i would have been spinning these prayer wheels at every opportunity!

curt is very strong (he carried a huge backpack so i could carry only a daypack), but has a weak tummy. he got sick pretty much in every country. this time, it was bad. the daal bhat eventually got to him. or maybe some unclean water. on about day 6 he was in a bad, bad way. so sick that while entering a village late in the afternoon, he didn't even manage to get off the main trail and dropped trou, as in, had diarrhea right then and there, on the trail. kinda like shitting on someone's front steps. we stayed in that village for three nights while curt lay in bed moaning and groaning and felt like he was going to die. i was sad to see them go, but karin and chris trekked on. i nursed curt in a little ramshackle dark, dusty room. we didn't have much in the way of medications, so we just had to wait it out. and waited. and waited. 

but he came back to strength. we hiked along the spectacular kaligandaki gorge where a dog found and followed us for three days (helping curt? he missed his dog so. perhaps this furry friend bolstered him.) we made it all the way up to the desolate, eerie muktinath, finding our stride. we missed our friends karin and chris who were ahead of us on the trail. we loved having them as hiking partners, and wanted to catch up. 

we kept up a good clip, walked long days. we thought we could make it to tatopani, the next village on the map, where we might find our friends. darkness came and we kept walking (not smart). we reeeeeaaaaallllly wanted to get there. curt's feet were bleeding. i don't remember but i'm sure mine were aching, too. we arrived in tatopani, found the tea lodge and entered the open-air dining room to gasps and applause. karin and chris were there, they knew how fast we must've walked to catch up to them, and they spread the news to the other travellers. we recieved a standing ovation by all! celebrated well and rested the next day. 

rest and laundry day, with karin

a few more days walking and we made it back to pokhara. where we both got sick. really sick. as in, all orifices exploding at once (vomit and diarrhea, the combo pack). fortunately, we had a private bath with western toilet. thank god! (and thank god i was the one with the camera, no photos of sick hilly here!)

 back in kathmandu, we enjoyed ourselves. lattes and pastries at the pumpernickel cafe ... 

 curt got a shave which he still talks about to this day ... 

we felt like heroes, having survived our own trek!

little did we know what was in store for us in india ... 

~~~~~

lessons learned: always hug the hills! stay alert,  for the next person you meet may just become a dear friend. 

+++++ 

postscript: karin and i are still friends, 20 years later. we still joke to each other "do you know where the american express office is?" she's super crafty and taught me how to make greeting cards, planting the seed that was to become eyechai. now she's busy with bigger things ... she and chris got married and just had a baby boy! but their little guy hasn't dampened their wanderlust ... they've taken him camping in botswana, namibia, iceland, and nevada!

monday memories / RTW trip: the perfect safari

my aunt nancy (not to be confused with my birthmother nancy) left for south africa a few days ago, saying she she sure hoped her safari would NOT be anything like mine …

... my safari was twenty years ago, while travelling around the world for a year with my boyfriend. we stopped in kenya to visit with curt’s childhood friend ngugi who had since married, had two beautiful children, and was living in ngong outside nairobi. his wife and kids had never seen wild animals, so we decided to take them all on a two-day safari.

safari. just the word sent exotic images wafting through my head: karen blixen, born free, and architectural digest safari décor. 

the reality was, our pockets held 30-year-old’s-budget-travelers-wallets. still, i was going on safari …

we rented a jeep, two tents, and set out … along with ngugi’s baseball-bat-sized stick (tourists had recently been attacked, not by animals but by people) … intending to camp out. how naïve were we???

driving toward the masai mara, we encountered giraffes and ostrich. exciting! getting closer to a real safari! the first night we stayed in a masai campsite just outside the oloololo gate to the park. it was relatively similar to campsites at home … assigned spots, a bathroom/shower building, etc, but for the tall, lean men wearing red plaid sarongs milling about. (we heard the masai men typically did not wear underwear under their sarongs … so i, in my curious -- if juvenile -- way, wanted to see if it was true. it was.)

the next day we bumped down the dirt road south through the park. saw herd after herd of animals: antelope, wildebeest, kudu, leopard, even a lion feasting on a zebra, hyena and vultures lurking. the majesty of the land and the animals converged on one point: we humans -- not just in this game reserve but all over the world -- are on their land, the animals' land. we are trespassing on their land! so clearly and naturally, the earth belongs to the animals.

toward the end of the day, it was high time to find a campsite; we drove to the largest one we saw marked on the map in our area, only to find nothing resembling our experience the previous night.

this “campsite” consisted of an outhouse in the middle of a savannah, with trees in the distance on three sides and a dried riverbed behind us. spectacular african scenery, but still … nary a soul in sight! we decided to try one of the other two campsites nearby. each one was less impressive than the last, so we returned to the first place.

soon two masai men -- with spears -- showed up, said it was their campsite, and we needed to pay them the equivalent of $6 to stay. and for $2 more, they would sleep with us. not sleep WITH us! just sleep nearby. we promptly dug in our pockets for the additional cash. they turned and said they’d be back later, ambling away gracefully like giraffes.

after putting up the tents, curt and ngugi went scavenging for firewood, leaving me with ngugi’s wife mama-ciko (kenyan women take on the name of their first born, preceded by “mama”) and small children. traditional division of labor was seriously bugging me at this point in our travels. i was 30 and still needing to prove my i-am-woman independence. but i had to swallow my enormous pride and go with it; we had bigger things to worry about at that point. we began assembling camp, the sienna sun setting over our little piece of savannah. we were in the middle of wild africa, tiny in the grand scheme of nature. it was exhilarating! we had had the jeep between us all day. now i was feeling the nakedness of being one with nature.

unloading bags and pots and food, mama-ciko and i startled at the sight of a troupe of baboons, cackling and galloping across the far side of the field and disappearing into the trees. they seemed far enough away (about 100 yards), and i was thrilled with this brush with real safari life! mama-ciko, however, was fearful and kept the children nearby. we went about our business.

a few minutes later, however, these 12 or so waist-high baboons scampered up the riverbed and surrounded us in a circle around our little camp. mama-ciko scurried into one of the tents with the children and i deftly found our big stick. what else was there to do? one at a time, a baboon lumbered toward me, grunting. i held the stick up and, when it got closer, stabbed the air between me and it, sending the monkey to retreat to its former place in the circle. then another came at me. then another. i fended off four baboons before they all, suddenly, ran off across the field again and into the trees. the masai men had appeared on the hillcrest, thank god! i guess the baboons had “history” with the masai. regardless, we were saved (pride out the window)!

the guys returned with firewood, we ate with the masai men, and went to bed. but not to sleep. the dark night filled with ominous animal noises. ngugi got up to make another fire closer to the entrance to our two tents. he was afraid, mama ciko terrified. fortunately curt was pretty calm. my stomach was in knots. i was having my period, and was sure a lion would come bounding through our tent and devour me. the masai men did hear a lion's roar, and wanted to leave to check on their herd of cattle. no way, josé! ngugi talked them into staying … (i hope we paid them a bonus in the morning, and i hope their cattle were ok.)

morning. yes. then came morning. we had survived! spent the next day completely sobered and quiet, still driving and watching the animals. midday we came across one of those fancy tented camps (safari dream coming true??), but it was closed (sigh). desperate at that point -- and wanting nothing of a reenactment of the night before -- we found the caretaker who i pleaded with to allow us to stay in one of the enormous and luxurious walk-in canvas cabins, complete with two double beds and a private bathroom, for $50. a large sum for us, but i was primed to break the bank for some semblance of safety, and romantic safari experience! and we were able to finally relax.

sipping warm beer (better than no beer) on the stone veranda overlooking a bend in the river, all of us perched in comfy director’s chairs in the late afternoon glow. we marveled at the scenery: hippo in the river right before us. gazelle, waterbuck, oryx, fox, and even those pesky baboons at a distance on the opposite bank. we were safe. and having my ultimate safari experience, budget be damned! a spalding gray perfect moment. yes it was.

the monsoon rains poured down that night, but did we care? we were cuddled up in our grand tent. next morning the caretaker told us the hippo did some serious damage in the camp that night, while we were safe and soundly sleeping.

we made our way home to ngugi’s the following day. with stories to tell for a lifetime. and with dreams made real.

and i can’t wait for my aunt’s return to hear more safari stories. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

lesson learned: hold onto your dreams. they just may come true!

+++++

twenty years later and i still have romantic safari dreams. doesn’t everyone? the march 2008 issue of the late domino magazine featured kenya-based photographer liz gilbert (for some reason i’m enamoured by all liz gilberts) and her stylin' african nomad tent she uses travelling around the bush.

liz is now helping local kenyan women sell their stunning jewelry, and runs a straight-out-of-my-dreams lodge in kenya. dream on!

five things bringing me home

after an emotionally exhausting two weeks, my dog walk with daisey in the glimmering late afternoon october sunlight brought me back home, home to my neighborhood and my pleasant routines, and home to my self ... observing nature's changes, reminding me that i too change constantly, but that my essence and all essence remains the same. (note to self: don't wax philosophical when you're tired!)

here are five things also bringing me home, to my essence, right now:

1. my dear friend manny atkins' new blog. she's undertaking yet another HUGE ADVENTURE! get all over her site and get to know this remarkable woman, if you want to be enriched and inspired!

2. momenta workshops urges those of us with cameras to follow mahatma ghandi's words: "be the change you want to see in the world."

3. "sister" sue had her first ever art show (outside of her own home), is feeling the flow of life and was feeling so lucky she bought lottery tickets (and won $45!).

4. sat with our bright, caring pacific pioneer fund board members today at our tri-annual meeting. we gave $35K in grants to deserving, hardworking and artistic documentary filmmakers. our meetings take place at the gorgeous san francisco film society digs in the presidio. we are so lucky to be welcomed into this highly creative space! 

5. my talented and kind teacher/friend christine mason miller is offering her beautiful, inspirational book ordinary sparkling moments at a discount and giving part of the proceeds to HIV/AIDS projects in south africa. and she's throwing in 4 free notecards as a bonus, because she's generous that way. 

squam (this courageous life, con't)

morning squam light

squam lake. art camp. was it just a dream? rustic cabins, roaring fires, rocking chairs, making fun art, meeting inspiring new people, walking through forests. they say *magic* happens here ... sounds great, right? but it also was an opportunity to stretch myself, little challenges along the way. 

eileen wearing all her art fair finds

i found my inner lioness. found the courage to:

-       stand alone in the middle of the dining room the first night, looking around and around not knowing where to sit, all the tables wrapped in their own conversations. first night i sat with merrilee, eileen and sarah … with whom i spent my last morning as well, photographing on the dock. i stood in the middle of the dining room several more times, each time finding a place, mustering up courage to ask “can i sit with you?” and finding warmth every time with strangers who became friends.

the one and only ... elizabeth maccrellish

-       trust elizabeth’s encouragement to find my “YES!” all week long and follow that. i participated fully all day long, then in the evenings retreated to my room to rest (so little sleep prior, preparing to come to squam). on the third night i ventured out and found a rock to sit on by the edge of the lake. my yes was to forgo the nightly party in the main lounge of my cabin, of which i could hear every word and creak of the furniture and floorboards. instead i sat on that rock listening to the loons (sounds like coyotes) and the lapping water, watching the clouds float by the moon. following my yes was very different than my cabin-mates' yes, and that was ok.

jonatha brooke doing her thang

-       bop in my seat to performer extraordinaire jonatha brooke’s opening night gig in the playhouse, not caring if anyone thought i was weird, thoroughly enjoying her expressive soul. jonatha rocks!

i made my own journal!

-       tell christine mason miller all about my tendencies to want my book to be orderly, simple, straight,  perfect. “should i follow that tendency or try to break out, break free?” she was kind, gentle, listened with that sincere smile of hers. why not free it up a bit, if only on one page, she replied. gave me a bit of a pep talk. i pasted in photos askew! glued bits of pretty paper all around, working on pages willy nilly. for the grande finale, i pasted on the plain cover the little tag christine gave me at the start of class, in her fun handwriting, which had gotten water spilled on it making the ink run, ASKEW, which said, “you are loved”. and i felt it.

starting to turn

-       divulge to elizabeth, who called me about housing the week before i left, about my journey to see my aunt carol the morning of the first day of squam. she listened wholeheartedly, asked questions, was interested, on a day when she probably had a gazillion other details to wrap for the workshops. on the last morning she was crying in my arms in the dining hall, overwhelmed by the emotion of holding this space for all of us, and in the middle of all that asked me how my visit with carol went. we cried together, a perfect moment.

the lovely sarah ahearn

-       listen deep down, during the opening night meditation, such a nice way to start a week of creativity. helene asked us to take a minute of silence and ask ourselves what our intention was for the week. i waited and listened, didn’t hear anything inside for a long time, thinking nothing would surface in that room full of people. then it did, totally a surprise to me. to embrace my feminine sexual energy. WHAT?! at art camp?! had a great dream that night, the message was clear: allow yourself to receive fully.

my new friend helen from england takes a polaroid

-       ask if i could participate in the squam art fair held on the last night of camp. i had brought a little basket of my photo greeting cards to camp, just in case. i was welcomed to share a table with someone, if space allowed. caryn overheard the conversation and said she would squeeze me in if i couldn’t find another better spot. turned out she didn’t really have space because her gorgeous work overflowed on her table. but right next to her barb did have space and generously offered it to me. so i set myself up on a little piece of her table, selling my cards in public for the very first time.

fallen

-       opened to a man. toward the end of the art fair, a man stopped by the table to chat. he was not in art camp, had been driving across the country and just happened upon this magical place rockywold-deephaven. he was a photographer from california! i was attracted to him (a first in a long time). i remembered my intention for camp and found myself fondling my heart chakra pendant while we chatted. remembered my intention. stood open and receptive. he bought a card, took my business card and said he’d send me one of his photo cards. regardless of what happens with this man, i’m feeling my readiness for a new relationship. 

sittin on the dock of the lake

-       chose this inspiration card in thursday's yoga class: i am willing to change. YES!

  sarah ahearn's sketchbook class

reflecting

yes. magic. and freedom.

ready ... set ... squam!

i'm going to squam! 

where?????

squam. don't you just love the sound of it? it almost sounds like a native american placename in oregon. but it's far far away from the pacific northwest.

squam is a lake in upstate new hampshire. since the turn-of-the-century, there have been cabins on this lake, surrounded by forests and fields. the camp is named rockywold-deephaven. don't you just love the sound of that????

and there i will listen to the loons, meet new friends, and soak up the creative ambiance surrounding the squam art workshops. that's what the website says. 

but i know, I KNOW, that it will be all that and much, much more. i've already spoken with the sweet strong soul who created the whole thing, elizabeth maccrellish, and i know these five days will be magic. she certainly is. 

anyway, i'm packing hoodies and hats, all my art materials for my classes (book in a day, make your own journal and sketchbook explorations), printing and scanning and copying photos photos photos, etc etc etc. the house is a disaster, UN DESASTRE!, packing projects and piles all around. which makes me absolutely insane. i have a hard enough time getting out the door (i think it's called "separation anxiety", pretty rough for someone who likes to travel as much as i do!). but as the piles get packed up in neat boxes and bags, the anxiety diffuses like the morning fog. 

and i have another special person i'm seeing right before heading to squam. more on that later.

gardening gadget (hill)

does anyone else feel like lara croft with a leaf blower in hand, or is it just me?

northern cali and southward home (hill)

road trip days 13-16: norcal coast - home (mill valley)

we finally slowed down the pace. instead of doing 6-8 hours of driving, we did 2 or 3 or 4. got to spend more time walking, shooting and on our starbucks sessions to upload our photos to picture summer. i remembered that i'm insanely in love with meadows. all those little grasses mixed together creating the perfect imaginary playland ... just like when i was a young girl, i imagine i'm thumbelina-sized, walking through the forest of GIANT trees (of knee-high grasses). sublime. even in the presence of a whole herd of elk, i felt the tug to snuggle into the opposite meadow -- sans elk -- but with the most magnificent display of feathery grasses and plants ... grasses, elk, grasses, elk ... for me it was clear ... grasses. but cynthia loved the elk. she wants to be a wildlife photographer in africa when she grows up.







my trusty van waited for us patiently (she finally got a name on this trip: mojo) between the meadows, grasses to the right, elk to the left.



later we found a great campsite on the banks of the klamath river close to its confluence with the pacific. the morning was deliciously foggy (home sweet home). cynthia REALLY wanted to see another bear, and in the morning we heard there had been one the previous evening playing on someone's tent. we must've been making dinner ... sheesh! but rumor had it there was a bear who swam across the river many mornings, so we sat in these chairs and waited, alas no bear.

our assignment that day was to photograph "wind".



we eventually wound our way down the avenue of the giants and burst out to the coast above mendocino. the coast! getting closer to home!



no bears but a great hillside of goats.



you old goat! (what do you think they were saying to one another?)



ended up in sonoma for lunch. our assignment that day was "light". this fork photo ended up being featured on the picture summer site! a lovely end to our trip.



cynthia flew back to australia after a few serious days of shopping: aveda, yoga mats, juicy, neoprene wine bags, etc etc etc. she is now officially my special shutter sister. it's hard to believe she just started photographing during our road trip. she has the gift! our last assignment of july was to create a photo garland of all the picture summer photos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

road trip epilogue:

all in all, we travelled over 3500 miles in 16 days!

we experienced: yosemite granite, a bear, photo galleries, a las vegas show, the inside of a helicopter inside the grand canyon, red rocks at zion, deer, geological history, stone arches, friends, sushi bars, organic grocery stores, rock shops, big skies, campgrounds, sweaty shirts, maps, snacks of blueberries and walnuts and carrots (ate primal -- no gas station junk food -- the whole way), too many gas station restrooms, starbucks in every state, family, lizards, brand new guest beds, poached eggs, microbrewed beer, bbqs, more friends, kids, rivers, dogs (we both missed ours tremendously so had to pet each and every dog we came across), dusty cameras, photoshop, oregon green, an old boyfriend, giant sequoias, goats, the pacific, seals, fine restaurants, finer wine.

and so much of road trips happen inside the car. we talked the entire time. had brought 7 books on tape which we did not even listen to. we had 7 years to catch up on! shared music, stories, tears, the love of photography, laughs, insights. we rekindled a deep friendship. cynthia is 10 years younger than me, and she's like a sister, but not a younger sister. just a sister. i learned so much from her. strength. beauty. generosity. efficiency. love.

portland people (hill)

road trip day 11: salt lake city - portland

i used to live in portland. went to college there. made lots of friends. fell in love. you know ... life. and i love love love to go back and visit. my freshman year college roommate laura and i are still fast friends. she married college sweetheart phil (which i wrote about here). phil is HILARIOUS. and he's the penultimate, loquacious tour guide. of course he took us somewhere that made us all happy ... mcmenamin's edgefield microbrewery and gardens in nearby troutdale for sunday brunch (and i got artsy fartsy with the beer)!



then we had a bbq with more friends ... and all their cute kids ...



next morning, it was goodbye to all the portland people. we headed south to the mckenzie river valley and paradise campground -- which it was -- and the magic of the oregon landscapes ...

national parks, here we come! (hill)

road trip day 4: zion np - moab/arches np

the hot utah desert inspired us to get up early (at "sparrow's fart" in aussie speak) to beat the heat and hike around zion. after just a few days, we realized this was a photo safari, not really a strenuous hiking trip. hiking is great and all, but walking with a photographer's eye slows everything down: walk, stop, shoot, this angle and that, this lens and that, walk back for different angle, until visual satisfaction is felt. walk, stop, you get the picture. not much walking but tons of great photos and the joy that brings. then drive during the hottest part of the day, loving the aircon!, to see 4th of july fireworks over zion.









~~~~~~~~~

road trip day 5: arches np - boulder

arches in the am ...







then, after driving the WRONG WAY for an hour in the am, chatty cathys that we were, making it an 8hr drive instead of a 6hr drive ...

boulder is best! not only is my "sister" artist friend sue there, but she's now married to an awesome aussie man, so he and cynthia could talk aussie all day long without us understanding what they were saying. sure, it's all english, but those aussies, they change it all up and who knows WHAT they're saying! fortunately i can understand sue, even though she speaks a mile a minute ... all that energy cooped up in one being has to come out somehow. love ya sue! we picnic'd, joked through an entire outdoor concert (yeah, we were the annoying ones this time), shopped (boulder is GREAT for shopping), hiked a bit, visited naropa and c.u. so cynthia could see if she wanted to do grad work there (nope), did laundry, and generally had a great time. sue and cynthia think i should live in boulder ...

pansies, a tale of metamorphosis (hill)

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i keep telling myself to STOP photographing flowers! stop it! it seems their colorful faces are all i see these days. i head out walking miss daisey around the neighborhood, camera in tow, and i say "no flowers today." i try, i do. i try to find fences or architecture or sky or signposts or chairs or something, anything other than flowers. but their colors and delicateness keep luring me back!

funny, i used to be a damn competitive, swashbuckling photojournalist. and i used to think that photographers who photographed flowers were pansies! i used to photograph politicians and world cup soccer and wildfires and gang members and city council meetings and crime scenes and the grand prix and dead bodies and once in a rare while a sunset. DEFINITELY NOT FLOWERS. i was 25, and even 35, and i loved it all! some scenes were horrible, blood and brains splattered on the sidewalk -- now it churns my stomach to even write those words -- but it was so exciting and different every day.

these days, you won't catch me anywhere near the news. i'm allergic. don't watch it, don't read it, don't want any part of it. i hear about the big things in conversations or from oprah! oil spill? earthquake? stockmarket? today i'm happy to say that i am a peaceful ostrich.

so now i photograph flowers, which brings me tranquility and wonder at the amazing, mystical world of mother nature. and it's exciting and different every day.

oh, and i did photograph some faces of friends recently, just to change it up a bit.









do you have any suggestions of gentle, beautiful photographic subjects that i could add to my repertoire? would love to hear your ideas ...

i planted! (hill)

i joined the ranks of gardeners today. i planted!

old boyfriend curt (he prefers "ex-luvvah") came for memorial day bearing gifts, including herbs to establish my new herb garden. he also bought pots, soil, and flowers to brighten it all (impatiens ... wonder what that means). and instead of planting them for me, he wanted me to do it so i could gain the benefits of working with the earth.

i had a garden the first year in my house about 12 years ago ... but the cats also "enjoyed" the garden, and the cucumbers turned out bitter, and i figured the taste was from the cats. and never planted a garden again. gross!

recently i learned that cucumbers are bitter for many reasons, and thought perhaps i should reconsider gardening (and have a serious talk with my cats). then curt arrived laden with plastic pots with greens spilling from a cardboard box.

old love. new garden. nice.

memorable memorial day (hill)

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memorial day 2010:

old boyfriend in town ...

quaint mill valley parade

gg bridge crossing on a perrrrrrfect day in the bay, even if we did lock our bikes outside the warming hut and forgot the key!

flag on porch

city island: must see

sharing secrets

neighbors, friends, community

requisite memday bbq

ahhhhhhhh summer

Desire (Meg)

Lips so sweet and tender, like petals falling apart
-Bob Wills

Buddha said that to stop suffering all we need to do is stop desiring, but after 20 years of marriage, I'm not sure I agree with him. It seems to me that in many ways I suffer less when I desire. I'm pretty sure Chris suffers less too! But actually, I don't mean sexual desire necessarily, and I don't mean the "I saw it in Vanity Fair and I desire it" type of desire, but the desire and appetite for life that makes everything take on a special color, flavor and emotion. I remember my grandmother Marion, toward the end of her life, talking about how difficult it was to eat without any appetite. And I know that depression, for me, is a complete lack of engagement with the world around me, which seems to stem from lack of appetite for the things the world offers.

Michael Pollan, in his book, The Botany of Desire, has another take on desire, which I find mind-bending. He says that if you turn your head a certain way it's possible to see that plants are controlling us through our desire for beauty. Fruits and flowers are their way of enticing us to move them around, out of their initial habitat, and to contribute to a plant's spread around the world. Like women in a harem, whose choices were so supremely limited that they developed extreme manipulative techniques, plants, which can not move themselves, have enslaved us to their beauty. In other words, they've achieved world domination by being desirable to humans.

So here's to desire, and thank God for botany!

the day after easter (hill)

the day after easter. no chocolate bunnies for me. no chocolate period. no eggs. no pastel colors. no egg hunts. no nothin, except for these four i found on tonight's dog walk, the day after. reminding me that other people have bunnies. i don't. i don't celebrate easter.

yesterday on easter sunday i went to the alameda flea market for the first time with my cousin and her girls who don't celebrate easter, either. the morning was windy and freezing and many of the sellers' spaces seemed empty. when it started raining big fat drops we abandoned the expedition and headed into oakland for breakfast. we opted out of the easter brunch buffets for $39.99 per and the 'chicken and waffles' place with very dirty carpets and a very dirty restroom. so we ended up at the buttermilk something diner for a mediocre meal, and saw some big groups of families and hat ladies just in from church. it rained the rest of the day while i sat at the dining room table and did my taxes, between distractions. what a weird easter sunday it was ... even by my sideways standards.

my mom used to buy us chocolate bunnies when we were kids, the day after easter when they were on sale. she LOVED sales. anyway, i don't celebrate christmas, either. don't celebrate hanukkah, don't do passover (except when we do it like the renaissance faire, which i'll explain another time), don't even celebrate new year's eve anymore (all that drinking), or st. paddy's day (ditto). don't do much for birthdays, for that matter. our family was jewish, and we did celebrate the major jewish holidays, but not really in any great, memorable way. my dad would have gotten christmas trees, but my mom would have none of it. on christmas, it's chinese food and the movies, the only places for non-christmas-celebrators to go. we celebrated hannukah which as a kid seemed long and drawn out and watered down and not really that much fun. not like christmas seems. i just heard from a friend of mine who lives in israel, and who said her kids were on pesah vacation, that's PASSOVER VACATION! wow. it just sounds so refreshing to have the jewish holidays matter and not to be marginalized the way they are here. not that i affiliate with being jewish.

i guess i don't celebrate most holidays because i don't affiliate with any religion, and don't like to drink that much. i don't even celebrate the solstices, even though i place more credence in nature's rhythms than anything man-made. my birthday falls on the spring equinox, which feels exciting no matter if i "celebrate" or not. doesn't everyone feel spring bursting on march 21st?

i realize i sound a bit of a scrooge with my limited holiday-making. what i do celebrate, however, i celebrate with gusto! four days out of the year are my especially fun days. i seriously celebrate the BBQ HOLIDAYS! memorial day, fourth of july, labor day ... wouldn't miss a bbqing opportunity for anything, and i do love a parade (even though i now see through all the pomp and fire engines for what they really are: pr/marketing opportunities for small town businesses ... true or scroogey?).

and then there's thanksgiving, the best holiday EVER! food, friends, family, freedom from gift-giving, four day weekend, relaxing. i had a double oven installed just for thanksgiving, and it is the only time i use two ovens at once. worth every penny.

my former chiropractor was jewish married to a non-jew. i once asked him what they celebrated. EVERYTHING he replied! which sounds so happy, so inclusive, so fun. without any of the religious weight put on any of the holidays. just because it's a celebration. what a lighthearted way to be. i could get behind that kind of dogma: celebrate more.

i could bake two different chocolate cakes in my double oven and toast my accountant with champagne when i finally finish my taxes!

yay or nay?

how do you celebrate?

sugar magnolia (hill)

magnificent magnolias. majestic magnolias. marvelous magnolias. merry magnolias. you get the idea. my neighborhood is bursting with magnolia blooms, and i see so many varieties on our daily dogwalks. and every time, they make me think of another beloved roommate of meg's and mine, laura. she and her hubbie's first dance at their wedding 20 years ago was ... sugar magnolia by the greatful dead. laura is the most straighlaced deadhead you'll ever meet, even nerdy in high school (you said so yourself, laurs!). so as i wander around, inhaling the saturated magnolia fuschias, pinks, and whites, and gaze at their beauty, i think of laura and hum along to myself and sometimes even out loud to daisey. this one's for you, laurs:





Sugar magnolia, blossoms blooming, head's all empty and I don't care,

Saw my baby down by the river, knew she'd have to come up soon for air.

Sweet blossom come on, under the willow, we can have high times if you'll abide
We can discover the wonders of nature, rolling in the rushes down by the riverside.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
Takes the wheel when I'm seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed.

Well, she comes skimmin' through rays of violet, she can wade in a drop of dew,
She don't come and I don't follow, waits backstage while I sing to you.

Well, she can dance a Cajun rhythm, jump like a Willy's in four wheel drive.
She's a summer love in the spring, fall and winter. She can make happy any man alive.

Sugar magnolia, ringing that bluebell, caught up in sunlight, come on out singing
I'll walk you in the sunshine, come on honey, come along with me.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
A breeze in the pines in the summer night moonlight, crazy in the sunlight yes indeed.

Sometimes when the cuckoo's crying, when the moon is half way down,
Sometimes when the night is dying, I take me out and I wander around, I wander 'round.

Sunshine, daydream, walking in the tall trees, going where the wind goes
Blooming like a red rose, breathing more freely,
Light out singin', I'll walk you in the morning sunshine
Sunshine, daydream. Sunshine, daydream. Walking in the sunshine.

     e---------------------2--x------------------------------|
     a---------------------3--2------------------------------|
     d--1/2--1/2-----------2--2--1/2--1/2--------------------|
     g--1/2--1/2-----2--4--4--2--1/2--1/2--------2-----------|
     b------------4--------0--0------------2--4-----4--2--0--|
     E---------------------x--x------------------------------|
                      ~ by the grateful dead

Trade-offs (Meg)

Sitting on the deck in the warm morning sunlight yesterday, I realized why I've had a raging headache for the last few days and took a picture of it.  Green dust covers our cars, sidewalks, and I'm sure puts a light dusting on everything in the house too, if only I wasn't too old to see things that small.  And once again I was able to fulfill my god-given roll as keeper of all information, solver of all problems and finder of all lost objects (otherwise known as Wife).  I'd woken up to the source of my own pain (let's call it hay fever enlightenment), so when Chris came home, dragging and sniffling, and had to go lie down before dinner, I made him take a pill first.  He emerged from his nap clear-headed and peppy.  Glorious spring weather vs. drippy headache-y allergies, which would you choose?

how do i love thee? (hill)

not the smoothest of days: woke to cat puke, made coffee (love the smell) and drank it (makes me crazy), decided to drop a class (which p had rearranged her schedule around with much difficulty, thus my severe guilt), needed to provide proof of student status for my student-version software but my computer decided to punish me for waiting til the last minute and crashed hard, couldn't find a suitable poem to scribe for my calligraphy homework since we still only know 15 letters and all the poems wanted an r or an l so tried to write my own poem and ran out of time, took my computer in but had to wait for an appointment so missed calligraphy anyway, computer seemed to magically right itself (i think it's a hypochondriac!) ... and amidst all this chaos (usually my days are much much smoother), i took miss daisey and my camera for a walk and saw SO MUCH BEAUTY. my camera offers me solace, helps me see Nature, and points me towards peace. o canon, how do i love thee, let me count the ways ...