87/365: all kinds of happy!

i've been teaching photography to high school students at my alma mater Redwood High School, where i first learned photography. was more than a bit nervous before the first class ... but very quickly i fell in love with my students! each in a different way, so open and sincere, funny and vulnerable, cheeky and creative. i miss seeing their photographs, and i miss seeing their faces! 

so much happy even before heading to my wednesday evening singing at chorus, where we're working on "the creation" by haydn, including the story of the happy pair adam and eve. 

58/365: lips

sometimes my universe is comprised of a bowl of soup and some croutons, my dog by my side, friends, photography, music, art, books, and i can cast a wide net around all my interests, work, and ways i want to spend my time. lately, though, my universe revolves around just one thing ... my sweetheart's lips. oh, and one other thing: how and when they will meet mine. 

38/365: needs

it's february, and it hadn't rained in weeks until last night. even after this recent deluge, we are still well below what we need. 

apparently S + D also have needs. it looks as though they need each other. 

i'm learning that it's ok to need. to need love. to need to be loved. it's ok to acknowledge this need to myself. it's also ok to say it out loud. speaking words out loud makes any shame slip off the letters and fall to the wayside. 

i need love. I NEED LOVE! OK?

30/365: the second one

i am out of the loop on what MOBS means ... but it rhymes with gobs. and that's how much love i feel from my friend-since-15 danielle. she gave me a gorgeous, solid, heavy silver pendant for my big birthday last year. which i loved more than any jewelry i've had in ages. then a month or so ago, i lost it. 

danielle was leaving the city with the jewelry store, and moving to argentina. i asked her if she could get me another one, since i loved it so much, and i'd of course pay her back. or pay the store directly. 

she would have none of it. she didn't want to punish me for losing the necklace. and she oh so generously BOUGHT ME ANOTHER ONE! i could hardly believe it. that's the kind of gesture a mom makes, not a friend. but she said she learned from having gotten in trouble as a kid for losing things, that she never wanted to make others feel badly in that way. so she got me a new one, and mailed it to me. and i wear it every day just like the one before.

but this one means even more to me than the first one did. a symbol of how great love can be, between dear friends. 

18/365: graffiti love over 50

before i arrived, he carved a heart in the bathroom wall with the only sharp object he could find, a bottle opener. said, i have something for you ... you will find it in the morning light. and lo and behold, while soaping up in the shower today, there it was! 

17/365: trust

i'm being told i can trust my open heart. hell, i tell other people that all the time! 

but when it actually comes down to it ... it is not as easy as it sounds. 

we have all been hurt. and we don't want to hurt others.

so we close. close our hearts. to protect ourselves.

but when we shut down this most important energy source, we shut off ourselves and others and the whole world from this vital, creative, joyful and free energy which has the ultimate power to salve and heal those hurt places inside.

so, i keep watching myself. oh, just there, i closed my heart! or oh, last night, i was afraid ... and consciously reopen. speak and act from my heart, again and again. this is my current learning, and my current practice. and, my current healing. 

16/365: love is my word

my one little (enormous) word for 2012 is "love." simply. love is all around. love is god. love is all you need. love is blind. love makes the world go 'round. love. love. love. love. love.

open. deep. accepting. free. laughter. sharing. easy. soulful. sexy. satisfying. stories. seeing. being seen. just being. giving. receiving. emotional. connection. listening. spiritual. uninhibited. fun.

love. the opposite of fear. my mom's friend jerry jampolsky wrote a book, "love is letting go of fear."

love, i am not afraid of you! i enter open doors and windows, fully, with open heart. and when the fear comes, because it always slips its way inside, i remind myself to let go, to let love in anyway. 

2012: the year of reminding myself. to love. just love. 

double date

gratitude project, day 9

these avian beings remind me of the rightness of coupledom. although not in a conversational mood, they still know they are tethered to another, their mate right nearby. noah was right.

single now for several years, my mind of course goes straight to the beginning of coupledom. and to that heart melting scene in the movie "eat pray love" when felipe can't stand another second without loving liz. he beholds her reading across the room, goes to her, removes the book from her hand and says matter-of-factly, "it's time."

i recently met a woman who, after her divorce, said she would not settle for anything less in her next partner than someone who "completely sees me." and she found him. 

calling mr. soulmate man ... come see me. it's time.