pansies, a tale of metamorphosis (hill)

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i keep telling myself to STOP photographing flowers! stop it! it seems their colorful faces are all i see these days. i head out walking miss daisey around the neighborhood, camera in tow, and i say "no flowers today." i try, i do. i try to find fences or architecture or sky or signposts or chairs or something, anything other than flowers. but their colors and delicateness keep luring me back!

funny, i used to be a damn competitive, swashbuckling photojournalist. and i used to think that photographers who photographed flowers were pansies! i used to photograph politicians and world cup soccer and wildfires and gang members and city council meetings and crime scenes and the grand prix and dead bodies and once in a rare while a sunset. DEFINITELY NOT FLOWERS. i was 25, and even 35, and i loved it all! some scenes were horrible, blood and brains splattered on the sidewalk -- now it churns my stomach to even write those words -- but it was so exciting and different every day.

these days, you won't catch me anywhere near the news. i'm allergic. don't watch it, don't read it, don't want any part of it. i hear about the big things in conversations or from oprah! oil spill? earthquake? stockmarket? today i'm happy to say that i am a peaceful ostrich.

so now i photograph flowers, which brings me tranquility and wonder at the amazing, mystical world of mother nature. and it's exciting and different every day.

oh, and i did photograph some faces of friends recently, just to change it up a bit.









do you have any suggestions of gentle, beautiful photographic subjects that i could add to my repertoire? would love to hear your ideas ...

going primal (hill)

i'm going primal.

no, i'm not letting my armpit hair grow out (although i have in the past and i do like that kind of freedom/natural sexiness), i'm not living in a cave, i'm not hunting or gathering in the traditional sense and no, i'm not grunting any more than usual ... no, i'm following the primal way of nourishment and i'm feeling GREAT!

the author of this book recommends omitting all non-fiber carbohydrates from our diets. period. no rice, bread, crackers, chips, potatoes, popcorn, cereal, oatmeal, pasta, chocolate, beer, wine, dried fruit, juices, and many fresh fruits. none. nada. zip!

author nora gedgaudas says we humans have not evolved much -- biologically -- since our primal hunter-gatherer days. think about what those gals and guys might have been eating ... wild (think: grass-fed) animal protein, veggies, nuts, seeds and berries. all natural. as in, without chemicals. as nature intended. what we now call "organic". weird: the non-organic stuff should be called "chemical", not the other way around!

nora says the advent of agriculture has produced lots of carbs that are not a human dietary requirement and actually wreak havoc on our systems, body and mind. vitamin deficiencies. seratonin deficiencies. inflammation. hormone issues. insulin resistance. leptin disregulation. osteoporosis. obesity. adhd. depression. anxiety. think about what you have been eating lately ... carbs come to mind? we, at least here in the states and europe/uk, normally eat a lot of carbs these days.

i've been eating the primal way for two and a half weeks now, with a few minor detours (had a beer with curt when he was here, and had three chocolate-covered almonds with my friend julie the other day). it's easy to "eat primal" because i don't have any cravings. i'm not hungry like i always used to be. that's because my blood sugar needed more "sugar" (read: carbs, sugar, chocolate, sweets, bread, etc) to feel good.

fast approaching 50, the past few years i've had low energy, blue moods, and have had to take thyroid and hormone medications to feel better. just in the last couple weeks, i'm getting my energy back and i'm feeling great!

nora says we can also eat small amounts of raw, unprocessed dairy products, if you can find them. i went to whole foods this morning to get raw milk with which to make yogurt, but alas, they said their insurance was too high and they had to stop selling it. so i made it with the next best thing, straus family creamery organic whole milk.

will keep you updated about my progress.

anyone else nourishing themselves this way? or another way that makes you feel great? please chime in!

i planted! (hill)

i joined the ranks of gardeners today. i planted!

old boyfriend curt (he prefers "ex-luvvah") came for memorial day bearing gifts, including herbs to establish my new herb garden. he also bought pots, soil, and flowers to brighten it all (impatiens ... wonder what that means). and instead of planting them for me, he wanted me to do it so i could gain the benefits of working with the earth.

i had a garden the first year in my house about 12 years ago ... but the cats also "enjoyed" the garden, and the cucumbers turned out bitter, and i figured the taste was from the cats. and never planted a garden again. gross!

recently i learned that cucumbers are bitter for many reasons, and thought perhaps i should reconsider gardening (and have a serious talk with my cats). then curt arrived laden with plastic pots with greens spilling from a cardboard box.

old love. new garden. nice.

memorable memorial day (hill)

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memorial day 2010:

old boyfriend in town ...

quaint mill valley parade

gg bridge crossing on a perrrrrrfect day in the bay, even if we did lock our bikes outside the warming hut and forgot the key!

flag on porch

city island: must see

sharing secrets

neighbors, friends, community

requisite memday bbq

ahhhhhhhh summer

relocation narration 2 (hill)

[i hate to bump jamie o off of the top of the page, but life goes on ... ]



so it's official: my brother and family moved to utah ... they are soooooooo happy in their new home! (cantchya tell?!)

but it was a HELLACIOUS move including:

- 2 moving vans

- 1 pickup truck

- 1 suv

- 2 trailers

- 5 people

- 3 dogs

- 1 cat

i helped with the packing up for several days and thought i was going to be waving them and their caravan goodbye on the wednesday. but by wednesday night, they realized they had more stuff than their moving van could accommodate. alan would have to come back, almost immediately, to get the rest of their things. or ...

thursday morning i offered to cancel my appointments and weekend plans, find a petsitter, get a return flight home, and drive a second moving van to utah ... and get to spend a few more days with my family.

since their beds were packed, they all spent the night at my house on thursday night. friday morning i realized -- fortunately! -- that i needed to take daisey to the vet for her flying papers. so we all headed to the vet, then up to their rental house to pack up the rest and get going. it took ALL DAY. we didn't depart until 8:36pm, and of course there was the requisite last visit to the local starbucks, so we didn't really hit the road until 9:24pm. made it to auburn.



we were quite the convoy: alan leading the way in the biggest moving van he could rent, towing their car; andrew, 20, following with his cat leelu and william, 15, in their pickup truck loaded with motorcycles & bicycles; olivia driving their suv with lab leo and little mutt max in the backseat towing a trailer; and me bringing up the rear in the second, smaller moving van with my furry friend daisey. oof! woof!

we drove 10 hours the next day on what has to be the most boring, godawful piece of landscape in the world. reno. winnemucca. battle mountain. what do people do out here? at 7pm we stopped in elko, nv for more starbucks (the other kind of fuel).

they wanted to go another two hours to wendover. i called uncle. i was done. cooked. finito. we stayed in a hotel with casino attached -- in which they still allow smoking (!) -- smuggling the animals into the hotel rooms once again. andrew is highly affected by cigarette smoke, and even his non-smoking room was unbearable, so he slunk off to sleep in the suv in the cold ... my nephew slept in the car while the animals had room service!



princess daisey mae is an intrepid traveller (she's even been to france). during the drive, she didn't want to miss a piece of the action, and there wasn't much action but for the NOISE of the engine that even the am radio could not din ... she kept falling asleep sitting up, with her head resting on the seatbelt ...

our gas/coffee/food/pee breaks were the excitement of the day and, with 5 people and 3 dogs, kept us busy. no wonder it took so long!

on the third day, we were actually getting closer to salt lake city. and then, we blessedly turned off of hwy 80 (NEVER again). and onto the road to their new home. up, up, up we climbed toward the spectacular wasatch mountains.



somehow, we made it. oof and woof again! an arduous journey with a pot of gold at the end. they are so pleased with the new house -- the space, the rooms, the kitchen!, the new neighborhood, the views, snowbird just 25 minutes away. it had taken us so much longer than expected that i'd changed my flight to the next day. we unloaded the trailer and smaller van but the beds were in the monster truck that we couldn't get into 'til the next day. so we camped out on the living room floor.

monday the troops descended to help unload. olivia's brother, his son, alan's school pal scott and wife suzanne and her brother. and this is why alan and olivia and andrew and william moved to utah: family,  friends, natural beauty, and realistic real estate prices. my wish for them is a very happy new life!

but i miss them already, sometimes with an ache in the heart, sometimes it's as if i'm on the top of a ferris wheel and there's nothing but air beneath my feet.

the troops 

sam, dave and scott (l - r)

suzanne

andrew

william

i dream of jamie (hill)

yesterday i was feeling playful and posted on facebook "i kinda have a big crush on jamie oliver." i just LOVE him. he's bold, brazen, hardworking, charismatic, funny, making a difference, down to earth, and cute! lo and behold, jamie visited me in my dream last night ...

in my dream, i met jamie on the side of the road -- i was a new crew member or something. we met and he *saw* me, avatar style. as in, his essence saw my essence. his strength saw my strength. his vulnerability saw my vulnerability. his courage saw my courage. his heart saw my heart. i rode in his car for awhile and we got to know each other, joking and jabbering away to the next shoot. "i'll see you later," he said. later in the hotel lobby, we met and walked in the garden for hours. talked, laughed, played tag and teased like kids. he asked me how old i was, and i said, "i'm 29 ... and 18 ... and 7 ... and 45 ... and 98." he got it. and we just looked in each other's eyes, no need for words.

next day i rode my beach cruiser to his event at a swimming pool. i was early (in real life i'm never early). ran into his daughter's friend who loaned me his daughter's bikini, and somehow i looked great in it (the beauty of the dreamworld)! my entrance into the pool was from the high dive, an expansive swan dive ending with a tuck and a flip and a half with a graceful splash. (i was actually a child high diver ... a coach wanted to train me for the olympics until ear trouble became serious.) i swam and i swam, then jamie jumped in. swimming with jamie was like swimming with the dolphins, sheer joy.

in my dream we remained fast friends for a very long time because we really *saw* each other, listened to each other, and loved each other truly.

if it's true that all the characters in one's dream are the dreamer (psychology term = projection), then the message i take from this dream is to draw upon my "inner jamie oliver," the parts of myself that jamie represents to me: strength, capabilities, humor, wisdom, courage, will, charisma, boldness, gifts ...

thank you jamie, for all that you are, and for being my dreamtime friend. (ps - i'm eating my veggies!)

~~

btw, jamie won the one and only 2010 TED award. visionary, bold, inspiring. see him here:

http://www.ted.com/talks/jamie_oliver.html

http://www.jamieoliver.com/campaigns/jamies-food-revolution

The time I slept on linen sheets (Meg)

I heard Sir Elton John sing "Tiny Dancer" yesterday and the line, "lay me down in sheets of linen" has been on endless repeat in my head ever since.

I was living on the French island of Martinique, sharing a house with my friend Hillary, and a group of us had agreed to watch the latest Jacques Cousteau Special together. For young French people living surrounded by the sea (and maybe for all French people, I don't know), watching Jacques Cousteau was like watching the final World Cup soccer match, a speech by the Premier, and a rock concert all rolled into one. We went to Jean-Pierre's house to watch because he had the only decent TV. He lived with his tiny ancient mother (he must have been a menopause baby, or maybe his mother was really his grandmother, she was that old) in a beautiful but run down home up in the hills. On the way there, for a reason I don't remember, I ended up on the back of Thierry's motorcycle, screaming around the blind mountain corners in the pouring rain. It was dark, and so humid that it almost didn't matter that it was raining. I distinctly remember trying to enjoy the thrilling danger of that ride so that if I died, I'd at least die happy.
Then, wrapped in towels to keep from dripping on the thread-bare oriental rugs and worn silk upholstery, we watched the show. As we watched the fish swim, and listened to Jacques Cousteau's unmistakable voice (most of which I couldn't understand), the blue-green light of the television and moist air from the open windows made it seem as if we were underwater too. It was late when the program ended. So late that we all decided to spend the night at Jean-Pierre's house. His mother went to the closet and pulled out armfuls of linen sheets. We pulled the cushions off the sofas and chairs, wrapped them in the sheets, and fell asleep where we dropped, a crowd of about 10 of us, all over the living room floor. How lucky I was to be there, on linen sheets so old they were soft and smooth, dreaming of fish and water.

a reason to celebrate (hill)

i know i said i don't celebrate holidays much, but i do celebrate -- inwardly -- tax day! this year, i dropped off my tax prep at my accountant's on april 7th. i know, not great. but better than some years. (i'll try harder next year, denis, i promise!)

they worked their magic and i picked the packets up on april 13th. mailed them off on april 14th with NO LINE at the post office!

my friendly local postal center inside of a beautiful gift shop is one of my favorite things in mill valley. the owner lisa always greets us warmly and by name, reminiscent of NORM! lisa lavishes daisey with caresses and little pieces of treats for daisey's little teeth, and invites daisey to come behind the counter, leash-free, to indulge her. and lisa always knows the best way to send everything. her shop is stocked tastefully with pretty stationery, coffee-table and inspirational books, jewelry, candles, lotions and potions, etc, with the postal section off to the side. the whole place exudes small town niceness.

two reasons to celebrate: getting my taxes mailed on time, and my happy little visits to lisa's lovely store: http://www.allwrappedup.com

relocation narration (hill)

it's official. they're moving. next month. to utah. a two-day drive away from here.

my brother and his family bought a big, beautiful home in draper, utah.  20 minutes south of salt lake city, a half hour from snowbird skiing, and right down the street from trails through the dwarf oak forests at the base of the wasatch mountains. they're thrilled. i'm thrilled, too, that they're happy. at the same time, my sense of stability is falling out from under me.

it was a whole different story when I was the one doing the moving. i've moved away from here so much -- spent almost 20 years away, lived all over the world, had incredible adventures -- and wrote postcards, diligently, so glad to be the one out and about and taking in the world.

so what's this? THEY'RE leaving and I'M the one who's being left behind????? maybe it's time for me to make a move, too ...

i helped my friend heather move into her lovely new home in berkeley this weekend. she said that many years ago, much of the time she lived in a particular rental was a very difficult period of her life, in spite of the cuteness of the cottage in an exciting neighborhood. made me think ... practically the whole time i've lived here in my beautiful home in one of the most beautiful places on earth -- mill valley and marin county -- it has been a very challenging time for  me. challenging as in sobbing on the kitchen floor challenging. hmmmm.

heather is very into astrology and suggested i try having my "relocation astrology" chart done.  i think i just might! can i lobby the astrologer for ibiza, new zealand, portland, france, turkey? utah?

the day after easter (hill)

the day after easter. no chocolate bunnies for me. no chocolate period. no eggs. no pastel colors. no egg hunts. no nothin, except for these four i found on tonight's dog walk, the day after. reminding me that other people have bunnies. i don't. i don't celebrate easter.

yesterday on easter sunday i went to the alameda flea market for the first time with my cousin and her girls who don't celebrate easter, either. the morning was windy and freezing and many of the sellers' spaces seemed empty. when it started raining big fat drops we abandoned the expedition and headed into oakland for breakfast. we opted out of the easter brunch buffets for $39.99 per and the 'chicken and waffles' place with very dirty carpets and a very dirty restroom. so we ended up at the buttermilk something diner for a mediocre meal, and saw some big groups of families and hat ladies just in from church. it rained the rest of the day while i sat at the dining room table and did my taxes, between distractions. what a weird easter sunday it was ... even by my sideways standards.

my mom used to buy us chocolate bunnies when we were kids, the day after easter when they were on sale. she LOVED sales. anyway, i don't celebrate christmas, either. don't celebrate hanukkah, don't do passover (except when we do it like the renaissance faire, which i'll explain another time), don't even celebrate new year's eve anymore (all that drinking), or st. paddy's day (ditto). don't do much for birthdays, for that matter. our family was jewish, and we did celebrate the major jewish holidays, but not really in any great, memorable way. my dad would have gotten christmas trees, but my mom would have none of it. on christmas, it's chinese food and the movies, the only places for non-christmas-celebrators to go. we celebrated hannukah which as a kid seemed long and drawn out and watered down and not really that much fun. not like christmas seems. i just heard from a friend of mine who lives in israel, and who said her kids were on pesah vacation, that's PASSOVER VACATION! wow. it just sounds so refreshing to have the jewish holidays matter and not to be marginalized the way they are here. not that i affiliate with being jewish.

i guess i don't celebrate most holidays because i don't affiliate with any religion, and don't like to drink that much. i don't even celebrate the solstices, even though i place more credence in nature's rhythms than anything man-made. my birthday falls on the spring equinox, which feels exciting no matter if i "celebrate" or not. doesn't everyone feel spring bursting on march 21st?

i realize i sound a bit of a scrooge with my limited holiday-making. what i do celebrate, however, i celebrate with gusto! four days out of the year are my especially fun days. i seriously celebrate the BBQ HOLIDAYS! memorial day, fourth of july, labor day ... wouldn't miss a bbqing opportunity for anything, and i do love a parade (even though i now see through all the pomp and fire engines for what they really are: pr/marketing opportunities for small town businesses ... true or scroogey?).

and then there's thanksgiving, the best holiday EVER! food, friends, family, freedom from gift-giving, four day weekend, relaxing. i had a double oven installed just for thanksgiving, and it is the only time i use two ovens at once. worth every penny.

my former chiropractor was jewish married to a non-jew. i once asked him what they celebrated. EVERYTHING he replied! which sounds so happy, so inclusive, so fun. without any of the religious weight put on any of the holidays. just because it's a celebration. what a lighthearted way to be. i could get behind that kind of dogma: celebrate more.

i could bake two different chocolate cakes in my double oven and toast my accountant with champagne when i finally finish my taxes!

yay or nay?

how do you celebrate?

spring forward (hill)

well we just launched our little greeting card store yesterday, and today is my birthday, and it is the beginning of spring. good time for un debut. we may be debutantes in the card arena, but we are no spring chickens!

anyway, wanted to give a loud shout out to tina and nina! tina is one of my oldest and dearest friends. nina is one of my newest and on the other coast friends. somehow real friends always stay in touch, and time passed in between matters not.

tina and nina performed true friend gestures: they offered support and encouragement by being the first two to make purchases of our greeting cards! my heart was deeply touched by their gestures, and reminded me of something i learned from my dad.

my father was not one to say i love you until much later in life. but he was ALWAYS THERE for me. supporting by showing up, being physically there, at my games, performances, races, visiting me where ever i was living no matter in the usa or europe, making weekly walking dates, etc.

in the cyberworld, being there takes different forms. one form is actually suppporting by making the time to look at a friend's blog, new online store, and in this case, actually making a purchase, a physical being there in a great way.

thank you tina and nina for being there! and anyone else who happens to purchase, or make time to look or read, or better yet COMMENT! we appreciate it all very much.

when you put your heart out in the world, even in cyberspace, it feels good to know that that world, too, is a safe place, filled with friends and loved ones.

thank you.

sugar magnolia (hill)

magnificent magnolias. majestic magnolias. marvelous magnolias. merry magnolias. you get the idea. my neighborhood is bursting with magnolia blooms, and i see so many varieties on our daily dogwalks. and every time, they make me think of another beloved roommate of meg's and mine, laura. she and her hubbie's first dance at their wedding 20 years ago was ... sugar magnolia by the greatful dead. laura is the most straighlaced deadhead you'll ever meet, even nerdy in high school (you said so yourself, laurs!). so as i wander around, inhaling the saturated magnolia fuschias, pinks, and whites, and gaze at their beauty, i think of laura and hum along to myself and sometimes even out loud to daisey. this one's for you, laurs:





Sugar magnolia, blossoms blooming, head's all empty and I don't care,

Saw my baby down by the river, knew she'd have to come up soon for air.

Sweet blossom come on, under the willow, we can have high times if you'll abide
We can discover the wonders of nature, rolling in the rushes down by the riverside.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
Takes the wheel when I'm seeing double, pays my ticket when I speed.

Well, she comes skimmin' through rays of violet, she can wade in a drop of dew,
She don't come and I don't follow, waits backstage while I sing to you.

Well, she can dance a Cajun rhythm, jump like a Willy's in four wheel drive.
She's a summer love in the spring, fall and winter. She can make happy any man alive.

Sugar magnolia, ringing that bluebell, caught up in sunlight, come on out singing
I'll walk you in the sunshine, come on honey, come along with me.

She's got everything delightful, she's got everything I need,
A breeze in the pines in the summer night moonlight, crazy in the sunlight yes indeed.

Sometimes when the cuckoo's crying, when the moon is half way down,
Sometimes when the night is dying, I take me out and I wander around, I wander 'round.

Sunshine, daydream, walking in the tall trees, going where the wind goes
Blooming like a red rose, breathing more freely,
Light out singin', I'll walk you in the morning sunshine
Sunshine, daydream. Sunshine, daydream. Walking in the sunshine.

     e---------------------2--x------------------------------|
     a---------------------3--2------------------------------|
     d--1/2--1/2-----------2--2--1/2--1/2--------------------|
     g--1/2--1/2-----2--4--4--2--1/2--1/2--------2-----------|
     b------------4--------0--0------------2--4-----4--2--0--|
     E---------------------x--x------------------------------|
                      ~ by the grateful dead