photoflow: fresh perspective

when in need of a fresh perspective ...

give a kid your camera!

on a film production last summer in france and spain, i worked alongside 6 kids ranging from 9-19 (yes, i’m old enough to consider 19-year-olds “kids”). three actors, a set designer, a sound recordist, and a musical director/camera assistant -- these are some talented kids! sometimes they almost outnumbered the adults (we were 6 – 14 adults, depending on the day) on this heavenly film shoot. 

one long day shooting in the middle of a vast hay field in northern spain -- during a lull in the work -- i let 11-year-old beth borrow my camera. didn't pay any attention to what she was shooting. only to find this when i got my camera back:

i love this shot, such a quiet moment captured. and the tilt just adds to the interest, bringing the moment inward, toward nicoletta who usually had to act tough (she played the beautiful villain in the film). beth reminded me that WE CAN TILT HORIZONS with fabulous results!

i was schooled for so long -- both in school and working as a photojournalist -- to get my horizons absolutely straight, perfectly horizontal. in fact, i recently posted a tilted horizon photo on facebook, and one of my former colleagues messaged back to straighten that horizon! but i'm all about breaking the (silly, constricting) rules these days. 

toward the end of the shoot, with so much work behind us, we were in great need of a party. fortunately cinematographer kyle's birthday came at just the right moment. beth's younger brother arty (or was it beth again?) borrowed my camera during a festive dinner at the home of the filmmakers. and this was the result:

seeing in a completely different way than i usually see. and right on ... capturing the jovial moment: playful richard, the distinctly euro-feel of the meal, breadcrumbs and all. maybe it was just that arty -- if it was arty --sat a little lower than i normally sit, so he saw THROUGH the wineglass. whatever. the result reminds me to bend my knees, get lower, or higher, or from the side, or anything other than how i usually see from my 5'9" viewpoint. 

these young people taught me so much that summer. just one of the things they taught me was how so see. with a fresh perspective.

While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see. 

~Dorothea Lange

they came. they went. i wept.

so just one week after i had visited this lovely clan back in new hampshire, my favorite family in the whole wide world came to visit here for a couple days. and i really fluffed. as in, flubbed. as in, any and all f-ed words you can come up with. 

you see, they are all beautiful people, on the inside -- which is where it counts (on the outside too, but who cares?!). they love, they laugh, they spill forth with goodness, making all those around them feel joy. they kept talking to their children about being KIND, a top value in this family. 

erin, charlie, max (6), madigan (2), and newest member mckinley (5 weeks) stayed for just two days and two nights. and i think i managed in that wee short time to make them feel unwelcome and unwanted. oh no!

i didn't mean to do that. really i didn't. i LOVE these guys.

but i'm used to peace and quiet and neatness and calm. my home is a sanctuary. classical or spa music wafting gently through the rafters. 

and i've been living alone for a looooooong time. too long, obviously. 

as soon as the troops descended, replete with duffles and diapers and toys and bunny crackers and paper hats and squeals and cries ... i was a goner. my blood pressure skyrocketed. nervous system on overload. anxiety city. *

we all went to the zoo yesterday. 

these guys know how to ham it up, fun all around.

me? i felt like the mean monkey half the time.

the lone underwater seal the rest of the time.

and i certainly deserved this: 

my peace offering is this exotic flower we all saw and were entranced by at the zoo.

to ecm3 ... this photograph reflects how bright and colorful and gorgeous and interesting you are to me. i hope we can see many more flowers together. i hope you will return and i can host you more gracefully next time. xh

* just fyi - usually i'm a pretty cool hostess. have houseguests often. enjoy having people around. really i do.

Update on 2010-10-05 00:29 by hillarah

apparently these folks didn't feel any of the anxiety i felt. they're now home safe and sound. it's all good between us. and here it's quiet (heavenly).  just wanted you to know. 

no courage at all

it didn't take any courage whatsoever to visit this clan, on my way out of squam and art camp in new hampshire. no sirree bob, this required nothing of the sort. these people i love, they love me, and all i had to do was soak it all up, the love, the friendship, the easy togetherness.

you see, this growing family (new third baby a month ago) is my family. yet another family of mine. i was there when their first was born. invited to actually be there for the miracle that is max. 

that's just how these folks are. they invited me to share christmas eve with them in san francisco when my mom was spending her last days at the hospital nearby. 

in fact, i was enjoying soaking them up so much, i forgot to take pictures! we supped on lobster and corn in the garden, a perfect new england evening.

and they surprised me with their and my dear aussie friends fab justin and the lovely lily. it all passed too quickly. 

and then it was time for max to go to school ... 

and for me to get on the road ... 

but they're all coming to visit the left coast next week. i hope my camera does a better job of showing all their faces then! 

the visit (this courageous life, con't)

hillary and carol, 2010

the moment i pulled up in front of her house, my aunt carol came bounding out and ran toward me, arms outstretched. we hugged, cried, gazed, all of it, so much, so unreal, yet also, somehow, completely real. 

one of the photos of me i had previously sent to carol was displayed happily on the refrigerator, along with a poem about abundance i sent. i felt so welcome by this woman. which is a BIG deal when the whole of my life up to now, i have felt unwelcome and unwanted by my birth family. it is everything to be recognized, seen, wanted. 

we spent five hours talking, sharing, looking at photos and letters, crying, laughing, drinking tea (me) and coffee (carol). she gave me a box full of some of nancy's remaining things: jewelry, monogrammed objects, a watch. are you sure? i kept asking. yes. carol wanted me to have them. what huge generosity of spirit in this little woman. 

i have a new aunt. and a new friend. 

carol sent photos of she and my birthmother nancy. i see quite a resemblance of nancy in me. do you see it, too?

 carol and nancy, 1986

carol, 1955

THIS PLACE OF ABUNDANCE

we know nothing until we know everything.

i have no object to defend

for all is of equal value

to me.

i cannot lose anything in this

place of abundance

i found.

if something my heart cherishes

is taken away,

i just say, "lord, what 

happened?"

and a hundred more

appear.

- st catherine of sienna

this courageous life

today is a special day. remember I said there was another part to my trip to new hampshire and the art workshops at squam? well, I’m also going to meet for the very first time my biological aunt.

i already have several aunts, aunt nancy and aunt jinny and aunt joan. these aunts have known me my whole life, been there throughout. I am so fortunate to have these women in my life.

but I have another aunt … aunt carol. I had first contact with her a little over a month ago, wrote her a letter. and she actually called me, leaving the sweetest message i have ever received.  she said she LOVED my letter and that she would LOVE to speak with me. 

you see, I was adopted. at birth. by my family. the only family I have ever known. mom. dad. brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. a truly most excellent life. i have six first cousins, and our grandparents and our aunts and uncles never treated my also adopted brother any differently than  “blood”.

but that’s just it. blood. something in the DNA, deep inside, a longing for connection to the blood line. 

i first started looking for my birthmother over 15 years ago, when i was a photojournalist in southern california. i was covering a women’s golf tournament, there to photograph the winner. i waited and waited at the clubhouse. then they announced her name, the woman I was to photograph: nancy brooks. i froze. that was HER name. the name of my birthmother. 

i was filled with sudden excitement and anxiety. what if it’s HER?  when i saw her, i wondered …. well, we kinda look alike. after photographing her, i mustered up the courage to ask: did you by any chance have a child on march 21, 1961? she did not. it turned out brooks was her husband's name.

but it was then that i realized i wanted to know my birthmother. it came from deep inside. a wanting. my lineage pre-birth was like a black hole of nothingness, and i wanted to find out where i came from, how i got here. life’s existential questions.

so i started the search. had help along the way. when i finally found nancy, she didn’t want to have contact, said it was too painful. once every few years, i’d muster up the courage to write her a letter, asking questions about her, my birth father, health history, any excuse really to have contact. she replied with brief answers, and eventually seemed to warm to the idea of having contact, said maybe she would see me if I ever was in town.

so i made a trip. but she decided she couldn’t go through with it. i, however, could not NOT go through with it. i just had to see her. had to find out what was in that black hole. so i showed up on her doorstep. 

when she answered the door, i didn’t even have to introduce myself. she knew it was me. i was mesmerized. we have the exact same eyes. and I saw where I came from. the black hole was now filled with life.

she had company. stepped outside. said it wasn’t a good time, that maybe we could talk on the phone. i left, completely satisfied.

it turns out her sister, my aunt carol, was the company she had over. and her sister, with whom she shared everything, did not know of my existence. i was the family secret.

a few months ago i found out that nancy had passed away over two years ago. after my shock, I read on. in the online obituary, it mentioned her sister and best friend carol. so again, i eventually mustered the courage to write to carol. and she made what for me was one of the most important calls i have ever received. when i heard her message of love, i burst out crying, both joyous and sorrowful tears, and my hands went straight to my heart. i sat and cried and listened to carol’s message over and over again, my hands on my chest, crying and laughing and allowing my heart to be healed.

carol and i have had many hours-long telephone conversations, full of love and surprise and laughter and tears and love. did i say love? she is so warm and welcoming and loving. She acknowledges how courageous I have been.

tomorrow I will spend half a day with my dear aunt carol.

northern cali and southward home (hill)

road trip days 13-16: norcal coast - home (mill valley)

we finally slowed down the pace. instead of doing 6-8 hours of driving, we did 2 or 3 or 4. got to spend more time walking, shooting and on our starbucks sessions to upload our photos to picture summer. i remembered that i'm insanely in love with meadows. all those little grasses mixed together creating the perfect imaginary playland ... just like when i was a young girl, i imagine i'm thumbelina-sized, walking through the forest of GIANT trees (of knee-high grasses). sublime. even in the presence of a whole herd of elk, i felt the tug to snuggle into the opposite meadow -- sans elk -- but with the most magnificent display of feathery grasses and plants ... grasses, elk, grasses, elk ... for me it was clear ... grasses. but cynthia loved the elk. she wants to be a wildlife photographer in africa when she grows up.







my trusty van waited for us patiently (she finally got a name on this trip: mojo) between the meadows, grasses to the right, elk to the left.



later we found a great campsite on the banks of the klamath river close to its confluence with the pacific. the morning was deliciously foggy (home sweet home). cynthia REALLY wanted to see another bear, and in the morning we heard there had been one the previous evening playing on someone's tent. we must've been making dinner ... sheesh! but rumor had it there was a bear who swam across the river many mornings, so we sat in these chairs and waited, alas no bear.

our assignment that day was to photograph "wind".



we eventually wound our way down the avenue of the giants and burst out to the coast above mendocino. the coast! getting closer to home!



no bears but a great hillside of goats.



you old goat! (what do you think they were saying to one another?)



ended up in sonoma for lunch. our assignment that day was "light". this fork photo ended up being featured on the picture summer site! a lovely end to our trip.



cynthia flew back to australia after a few serious days of shopping: aveda, yoga mats, juicy, neoprene wine bags, etc etc etc. she is now officially my special shutter sister. it's hard to believe she just started photographing during our road trip. she has the gift! our last assignment of july was to create a photo garland of all the picture summer photos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

road trip epilogue:

all in all, we travelled over 3500 miles in 16 days!

we experienced: yosemite granite, a bear, photo galleries, a las vegas show, the inside of a helicopter inside the grand canyon, red rocks at zion, deer, geological history, stone arches, friends, sushi bars, organic grocery stores, rock shops, big skies, campgrounds, sweaty shirts, maps, snacks of blueberries and walnuts and carrots (ate primal -- no gas station junk food -- the whole way), too many gas station restrooms, starbucks in every state, family, lizards, brand new guest beds, poached eggs, microbrewed beer, bbqs, more friends, kids, rivers, dogs (we both missed ours tremendously so had to pet each and every dog we came across), dusty cameras, photoshop, oregon green, an old boyfriend, giant sequoias, goats, the pacific, seals, fine restaurants, finer wine.

and so much of road trips happen inside the car. we talked the entire time. had brought 7 books on tape which we did not even listen to. we had 7 years to catch up on! shared music, stories, tears, the love of photography, laughs, insights. we rekindled a deep friendship. cynthia is 10 years younger than me, and she's like a sister, but not a younger sister. just a sister. i learned so much from her. strength. beauty. generosity. efficiency. love.

the horny toad and the eggs (hill)

road trip day 8: boulder - salt lake city

got to visit my brother and family in their new home just south of salt lake city. a too short but very sweet visit. they are so happy in their new house, even bought new guest beds so cynthia and i could sleep well. i love my family! on their former 3 acres, they didn't ever have to walk the dogs. now that they're in a neighborhood, they walk their dogs just like the rest of us. but not all of us have these views!



and they have other creatures in their yard ...



cynthia taught us all how to poach an egg without a special poacher pan. yum!

expect a miracle (hill)

i'm feeling nostalgic. this week last year, i was on my way to france and spain to work on a movie. i wasn't the cinematographer, nor the director, nor the writer ... though i did have a tiny part as the lady in the tourist bureau until the actual lady got her courage up to be on camera. a star was NOT born. no, my main job as "scripty" was to sit on on a little stool in the prime real estate between the director and the cinematographer and tell the actors when they fluffed a line. (the mostly english cast and crew say "fluffed" instead of "flubbed" ... so much nicer to the ear ... and to the ego of the actor, i imagine!)



i was also the "continuity girl", making sure each actor spoke and gestured exactly the same way during each take in a scene ... a very tricky job requiring keen concentration. no being distracted by the handsome spanish farmer or the hot spanish sun. or ... the hot spanish farmer or the handsome spanish son!



oh, and i also did the still photography for the film's advertising.

it's a herculean effort, making a movie. i worked so hard, such long hours, and yet i still feel that i didn't work hard enough. i was jetlagged, then exhausted. but i didn't work nearly as hard as the folks who made this movie happen.



these english people, the atkins family, worked their fannies off (they definitely wouldn't say "fannies") making a film, as a family! the dad joe directed. the mom manny produced and was the lead actor. the youngest children beth and arthur also acted. the older sons harry and luc did the sound and music. these are some mighty talented and hardworking folks. their actor friends came to round out the cast and two french interns filled out the crew.



the film takes place along the chemin de st jacques in france and the camino de santiago in spain. the coolest thing for me was that i walked with miss daisey along the french part of this pilgrimage trail last april ... then in july i got to actually go to the pilgrimage end point of santiago with the film! pilgrims expect miracles ...

six months earlier while surfing the internet one evening, i had bumped into the atkins blog about their travels in a bus around europe and left a comment. manny wrote me back. we became friends via email, she invited me to stay with them on the way to my pilgrimage. and i offered to help with the film, and so i did. a miracle if you ask me!



one of the biggest blessings of working on this film was to meet the atkins and their friends. who just decides to make a movie and then goes and does it? the atkins do! they reminded me that anything is possible, absolutely anything, if you put enough head, heart and will into it.

the next biggest blessing was that i reignited my love affair with photography. not in the job description, i found myself making lots of behind the scenes photographs. so many beautiful places, and beautiful people to photograph! when i returned home, i decided not to go to grad school in psychology as i had planned, but to start a greeting card company using my photos, which will branch out into photos on canvas this fall.

another miracle, really. i found myself on that pilgrimage trail. not while hiking, but while filming "heaven."

the greatest miracle of all is that the film if you ever get to heaven is complete! and will be screened in england july 20. i will be here in the usa road tripping with my aussie friend around the western states ... so i'll have to catch the next screening, perhaps at the mill valley film festival! if you're lucky, it will be coming to a theater near you, too.

memorable memorial day (hill)

[gallery columns="5"]

memorial day 2010:

old boyfriend in town ...

quaint mill valley parade

gg bridge crossing on a perrrrrrfect day in the bay, even if we did lock our bikes outside the warming hut and forgot the key!

flag on porch

city island: must see

sharing secrets

neighbors, friends, community

requisite memday bbq

ahhhhhhhh summer

relocation narration 2 (hill)

[i hate to bump jamie o off of the top of the page, but life goes on ... ]



so it's official: my brother and family moved to utah ... they are soooooooo happy in their new home! (cantchya tell?!)

but it was a HELLACIOUS move including:

- 2 moving vans

- 1 pickup truck

- 1 suv

- 2 trailers

- 5 people

- 3 dogs

- 1 cat

i helped with the packing up for several days and thought i was going to be waving them and their caravan goodbye on the wednesday. but by wednesday night, they realized they had more stuff than their moving van could accommodate. alan would have to come back, almost immediately, to get the rest of their things. or ...

thursday morning i offered to cancel my appointments and weekend plans, find a petsitter, get a return flight home, and drive a second moving van to utah ... and get to spend a few more days with my family.

since their beds were packed, they all spent the night at my house on thursday night. friday morning i realized -- fortunately! -- that i needed to take daisey to the vet for her flying papers. so we all headed to the vet, then up to their rental house to pack up the rest and get going. it took ALL DAY. we didn't depart until 8:36pm, and of course there was the requisite last visit to the local starbucks, so we didn't really hit the road until 9:24pm. made it to auburn.



we were quite the convoy: alan leading the way in the biggest moving van he could rent, towing their car; andrew, 20, following with his cat leelu and william, 15, in their pickup truck loaded with motorcycles & bicycles; olivia driving their suv with lab leo and little mutt max in the backseat towing a trailer; and me bringing up the rear in the second, smaller moving van with my furry friend daisey. oof! woof!

we drove 10 hours the next day on what has to be the most boring, godawful piece of landscape in the world. reno. winnemucca. battle mountain. what do people do out here? at 7pm we stopped in elko, nv for more starbucks (the other kind of fuel).

they wanted to go another two hours to wendover. i called uncle. i was done. cooked. finito. we stayed in a hotel with casino attached -- in which they still allow smoking (!) -- smuggling the animals into the hotel rooms once again. andrew is highly affected by cigarette smoke, and even his non-smoking room was unbearable, so he slunk off to sleep in the suv in the cold ... my nephew slept in the car while the animals had room service!



princess daisey mae is an intrepid traveller (she's even been to france). during the drive, she didn't want to miss a piece of the action, and there wasn't much action but for the NOISE of the engine that even the am radio could not din ... she kept falling asleep sitting up, with her head resting on the seatbelt ...

our gas/coffee/food/pee breaks were the excitement of the day and, with 5 people and 3 dogs, kept us busy. no wonder it took so long!

on the third day, we were actually getting closer to salt lake city. and then, we blessedly turned off of hwy 80 (NEVER again). and onto the road to their new home. up, up, up we climbed toward the spectacular wasatch mountains.



somehow, we made it. oof and woof again! an arduous journey with a pot of gold at the end. they are so pleased with the new house -- the space, the rooms, the kitchen!, the new neighborhood, the views, snowbird just 25 minutes away. it had taken us so much longer than expected that i'd changed my flight to the next day. we unloaded the trailer and smaller van but the beds were in the monster truck that we couldn't get into 'til the next day. so we camped out on the living room floor.

monday the troops descended to help unload. olivia's brother, his son, alan's school pal scott and wife suzanne and her brother. and this is why alan and olivia and andrew and william moved to utah: family,  friends, natural beauty, and realistic real estate prices. my wish for them is a very happy new life!

but i miss them already, sometimes with an ache in the heart, sometimes it's as if i'm on the top of a ferris wheel and there's nothing but air beneath my feet.

the troops 

sam, dave and scott (l - r)

suzanne

andrew

william

Mother's Day (Meg)

I've been meaning to write about my mom for a long time but, as it probably is for most people, my relationship with my mother is so complex, so varied, and so intimate to me that it's almost impossible to step back and look at with clear eyes. One thing I know is that our relationship has undergone a radical shift in the past 10 years. As she ages, I take over more of the stereotypical parenting roles, and she becomes more child-like, although she's very sensitive to any attempt to do too much. So it's extra interesting that Hillary had to remind me today, as we were discussing the upcoming holiday, that I am a mother too. I'm pretty sure that for the rest of my life, when I think of Mother's Day, I'll first think of my mom, and not myself. And so I'm attempting to plan for the day, to celebrate the day, to help my mom enjoy the day to the fullest. The problem is that I have no idea what to do! Give me some ideas people, and I'll give you something back!

Give away: Before noon on Thursday, April 29th, 2010, leave a short comment telling us how you're celebrating or honoring your mom and you might be the lucky randomly selected person who wins a free eyechai greeting card set or print (your choice).

And just in case that celebration involves some gift giving, over at eyechai.bigcartel.com we're able to take greeting card and print orders for Mother's Day gift delivery (domestic only) until Sunday, May 2 at noon.

Shh. Don't tell. (Meg)

I grew up in a house with a secret. A big secret. Unfortunately, although the secret had an effect on me, it's not my secret so I can't tell you what it is. I can tell you what it did to me however; I can't keep a secret to save my life. Well, maybe I could keep a life-or-death secret, but other than that, really, don't trust me with your secrets. They spurt up out of me uncontrolled and unbidden, and usually un-welcomed! But somehow, after the initial guilt, confusion, and regret have passed, I feel better. That's because secrets are soul killers. And my soul doesn't like to keep them.

Secrets also carry power. If you know a secret and someone else doesn't, you have the power. Even if you aren't keeping the secret because of a devious plot to gain the upper hand, it still gives you the power. Even if the other person is completely oblivious to the secret's very existence, you still have the power. That's why the secret I grew up with stayed a secret so long--it gave the secret keeper power over the rest of us.

It's not a power I ever want--I remember the time a friend told me she was pregnant before she told her husband! I don't know why she did that, but it was very uncomfortable for me because suddenly, in some weird way, I was closer to her than she was to her mate. And it felt wrong. (I did manage to keep that one, until now.)

Now my family has a new secret, also not mine to share. And it's working its evil magic on us all. Although the thing itself could be quite joyful, having it be a secret means that bad feelings are rising up all over. Here and now, no matter what sacrifices I have to make (not attending events, not maintaining friendships, etc.), I promise never to participate in secret keeping again. Wish me luck!

relocation narration (hill)

it's official. they're moving. next month. to utah. a two-day drive away from here.

my brother and his family bought a big, beautiful home in draper, utah.  20 minutes south of salt lake city, a half hour from snowbird skiing, and right down the street from trails through the dwarf oak forests at the base of the wasatch mountains. they're thrilled. i'm thrilled, too, that they're happy. at the same time, my sense of stability is falling out from under me.

it was a whole different story when I was the one doing the moving. i've moved away from here so much -- spent almost 20 years away, lived all over the world, had incredible adventures -- and wrote postcards, diligently, so glad to be the one out and about and taking in the world.

so what's this? THEY'RE leaving and I'M the one who's being left behind????? maybe it's time for me to make a move, too ...

i helped my friend heather move into her lovely new home in berkeley this weekend. she said that many years ago, much of the time she lived in a particular rental was a very difficult period of her life, in spite of the cuteness of the cottage in an exciting neighborhood. made me think ... practically the whole time i've lived here in my beautiful home in one of the most beautiful places on earth -- mill valley and marin county -- it has been a very challenging time for  me. challenging as in sobbing on the kitchen floor challenging. hmmmm.

heather is very into astrology and suggested i try having my "relocation astrology" chart done.  i think i just might! can i lobby the astrologer for ibiza, new zealand, portland, france, turkey? utah?

the day after easter (hill)

the day after easter. no chocolate bunnies for me. no chocolate period. no eggs. no pastel colors. no egg hunts. no nothin, except for these four i found on tonight's dog walk, the day after. reminding me that other people have bunnies. i don't. i don't celebrate easter.

yesterday on easter sunday i went to the alameda flea market for the first time with my cousin and her girls who don't celebrate easter, either. the morning was windy and freezing and many of the sellers' spaces seemed empty. when it started raining big fat drops we abandoned the expedition and headed into oakland for breakfast. we opted out of the easter brunch buffets for $39.99 per and the 'chicken and waffles' place with very dirty carpets and a very dirty restroom. so we ended up at the buttermilk something diner for a mediocre meal, and saw some big groups of families and hat ladies just in from church. it rained the rest of the day while i sat at the dining room table and did my taxes, between distractions. what a weird easter sunday it was ... even by my sideways standards.

my mom used to buy us chocolate bunnies when we were kids, the day after easter when they were on sale. she LOVED sales. anyway, i don't celebrate christmas, either. don't celebrate hanukkah, don't do passover (except when we do it like the renaissance faire, which i'll explain another time), don't even celebrate new year's eve anymore (all that drinking), or st. paddy's day (ditto). don't do much for birthdays, for that matter. our family was jewish, and we did celebrate the major jewish holidays, but not really in any great, memorable way. my dad would have gotten christmas trees, but my mom would have none of it. on christmas, it's chinese food and the movies, the only places for non-christmas-celebrators to go. we celebrated hannukah which as a kid seemed long and drawn out and watered down and not really that much fun. not like christmas seems. i just heard from a friend of mine who lives in israel, and who said her kids were on pesah vacation, that's PASSOVER VACATION! wow. it just sounds so refreshing to have the jewish holidays matter and not to be marginalized the way they are here. not that i affiliate with being jewish.

i guess i don't celebrate most holidays because i don't affiliate with any religion, and don't like to drink that much. i don't even celebrate the solstices, even though i place more credence in nature's rhythms than anything man-made. my birthday falls on the spring equinox, which feels exciting no matter if i "celebrate" or not. doesn't everyone feel spring bursting on march 21st?

i realize i sound a bit of a scrooge with my limited holiday-making. what i do celebrate, however, i celebrate with gusto! four days out of the year are my especially fun days. i seriously celebrate the BBQ HOLIDAYS! memorial day, fourth of july, labor day ... wouldn't miss a bbqing opportunity for anything, and i do love a parade (even though i now see through all the pomp and fire engines for what they really are: pr/marketing opportunities for small town businesses ... true or scroogey?).

and then there's thanksgiving, the best holiday EVER! food, friends, family, freedom from gift-giving, four day weekend, relaxing. i had a double oven installed just for thanksgiving, and it is the only time i use two ovens at once. worth every penny.

my former chiropractor was jewish married to a non-jew. i once asked him what they celebrated. EVERYTHING he replied! which sounds so happy, so inclusive, so fun. without any of the religious weight put on any of the holidays. just because it's a celebration. what a lighthearted way to be. i could get behind that kind of dogma: celebrate more.

i could bake two different chocolate cakes in my double oven and toast my accountant with champagne when i finally finish my taxes!

yay or nay?

how do you celebrate?

I'm not gonna cook you a lettuce (Meg)

Stay-at-home that I am, I rarely get to be ahead of the zeitgeist.  But about a month ago my DH picked up a copy of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution cook book as we were on our way out of the library.  Something about it appealed to Chris.   Jamie's mission is to get people to cook real food instead of eating processed prepared food.   He also has this sweet idea of people "passing on" the recipes they like, which appeals to me because it's a way of building community.  I looked through it and decided that because the recipes are well presented and easy, (with a photo for each one--love that) it would be a valuable resource for Mettlin when she goes off to school.  I remember so clearly that I had a copy of the Silver Palate when I went to college, and I was so pleased to be able to cook for friends when we spent weekends at the coast.

Thinking that I should try a few recipes before buying the book for her, I turned to the section on "Family Roast Dinners".  I can't even count up all the roasted chickens I've served over the years, but the number must be high.  I've even got (and have made) the recipe for Zuni's Roast Chicken, which is widely acknowledged to be the best restaurant roast chicken in the state of California and maybe the world.  There, in this book, was yet another recipe for roast chicken.  Jamie's take is quite different though--you roast the chicken on a bed of vegetables, you put a whole lemon in the cavity, and he assumes you'll make gravy from the veggies after the chicken is cooked.  As I'm sure you've guessed by now, the chicken was unbelievably tasty.  And so easy!

He also has a whole section on chopped salads, which for me seemed ridiculous at first glance--how could anyone possibly need a recipe for a chopped salad.  Then I remembered his mission and my idea that this would be a helpful book for someone just learning to cook, and I thought I'd try one.  He has a page of general rules for making a delicious chopped salad and then several actual recipes.  I made the Mediterranean chopped salad and even the teenagers ate it with gusto.  My DH & parents loved it too, and I now often take the extra few moments to chop the salads--although I devour unchopped salad with glee, it turns out that chopping it makes all those veggies more palatable for those who are not vegetable freaks.

A few weeks after that, I started seeing ads on the TV for his show and set the Tivo to record it.  Jamie's show features a town in Virginia (or is it West Virginia?) and his efforts to give the people in it the skills they need to feed themselves real food instead of processed convenient crap.  The channel didn't change for the first episode, but the second one was recorded, and it was eye-opening.  One scene showed Jamie visiting a kindergarten class and the children being unable to identify tomatoes and potatoes, let alone eggplant.  It's so easy for me to forget how privileged we are here on the west coast of California, with fresh local produce available abundantly year-round and the produce section placed near the entrance of every grocery store.  During a radio show interview the host told Jamie that the town didn't want to sit around eating lettuce all day.  Jamie's response was to say "I'm not gonna cook you a lettuce", but actually, for my family, that's just what he did!  He makes the act of preparing food simple and satisfying enough for very beginning cooks and veterans alike.  And yup, I bought the book.

p.s.  I can't recommend the Empire kosher chickens available at Trader Joe's highly enough.  They are expensive, but my family eats every single morsel when I use them, usually the day I cook them, but if there are leftovers they get gobbled up too.  So no food waste.

p.p.s. You can find both these recipes at

http://www.jamieoliver.com/campaigns/jamies-food-revolution


And now I've passed them on to you!

this morning, please let me be ... (hill)

this is daisey with her dreamy morning face on, after the initial morning excitement: just after hopping out of bed, scrambling down the stairs, heading straight for the backyard to do her business, jumping back in the kitchen and dancing and wagging and full-body-wiggling at the excitement of seeing ME, after having slept right by ME all night long. every morning, this is the great gift i receive from my little friend. joy at seeing ME. me? yes, me.

every morning i am taken aback by her love and devotion. and every morning, i pick her up, swaddle her with my arms and hold her to my chest just like a baby with her head leaning on my shoulder, and i sway and sing to her. silly songs i make up, all about daisey, sometimes repeats, sometimes new. later, as the morning unfolds, i often catch daisey sitting in the kitchen with a faraway look in her eyes, like she's remembering a dream.

even later when she fully wakes up, she follows me around the house now with a pleading look in her eyes until i take her out for her beloved walk. we have a morning route and an afternoon route and an evening route, and she knows which one we're doing and heads in the right direction, leading me. every morning trotting happily on her way, not even looking to cross the street, totally trusting that she is safe (and thus always leashed to her little harness), sniffing and piddling along our morning route. i consider it a successful walk when i have not pulled once on her leash, but let her take her sweet time, which happens more and more often these days.

reminds me of a sailing lesson i learned long ago, that when coming into the harbor, you can tell the experienced sailing crew from the novices because they're all doing the right things without having to shout at each other. daisey and i are like that in our quotidien routines, dancing and singing and walking along the sweet harbor of our life.

please let me be the person my dog thinks i am.

(great quote poster found on one of my favorite blogs, sfgirlbbybay).        http://www.sfgirlbybay.com/2010/02/10/how-much-for-that-doggie-in-the-window/

Dwindle Down (Meg)

Yes, it's a cliche, but my life really is getting sweeter because it's about to change radically.  We sit around the dinner table and talk and talk, laugh, tease, and fight, and although we don't say it,  our whole family knows it's coming to an end.  Mettlin leaves for college in the fall (don't know where she's going yet, but she's going, trust me).  Sure she'll be home for holidays and summers, and maybe she'll move back in after graduating--it takes a while to get independent in the Bay Area--but, these full family moments: standing in the kitchen deciding what to have for dinner, racing to get the primo corner spot on the couch for family movie night, they're more fun than before.  Last night we even stooped so low as to have a family sing-along to John Mayer's "Who Says".  Gotta say I never saw that one coming when we first started this family!  All together now:  "Who says I can't get stoned!"

my brother, my self (hill)

my brother is moving. temporarily to a new house, just until the school year is over. then really  moving. out of state. far away. he is my only sibling, our parents are gone now. he is my ballast,  my roots, my oldest ally. we are different, and  also very, very similar.

so when it came time to move from their three-acre homestead containing precious belongings and equipment and tons of  old *stuff* which had rested peacefully for 20 years in two barns and one shed and one other outbuilding and the house and the little house ... it was a hefty job. moving house is an act of heroism.



after moving the house stuff carefully and tenderly came the dirty, dusty, spidery, rusty, boxes and boxes and containers from the barns, and the huge heavy awkward equipment and stoves and old motorcycles, etc ... backbreaking, footpounding, back and forth, over and over again.



load, tie down, drive, hoping the old vw bumper or grandma's sofa doesn't bounce off the trailer. unload, and "process":  into the new house, or organize as storage in the garage, or in the little shed in the yard, or dump. my sister-in-law was the  master of processing. man, that girl can organize!

two solid weeks of moving, squeaked out of the old house on deadline day. oof! somehow we managed to find the energy to celebrate my brother's birthday in the midst of it all. he can wrangle a tractor, and he likes strawberries and cream. that says everything you need to know about my brother. (and he also kinda looks like george clooney, though he always says "nawww.")



the best part of all this exertion? i got to see my brother, his wife, my nephews and nephew's girlfriend every day. we laughed. we teased. we swore. we stressed. we survived.

the new place. beautiful, especially in springtime. me and my brother? better than ever. everyone said, oh it's so nice of you to help your brother so  much. nice? it's not nice at all. he is my everything.

"No one could tell me where my Soul might be.

I searched for God, but God eluded me.

I sought my Brother out, and found all three."

~ Ernest Crosby

Trade-offs (Meg)

Sitting on the deck in the warm morning sunlight yesterday, I realized why I've had a raging headache for the last few days and took a picture of it.  Green dust covers our cars, sidewalks, and I'm sure puts a light dusting on everything in the house too, if only I wasn't too old to see things that small.  And once again I was able to fulfill my god-given roll as keeper of all information, solver of all problems and finder of all lost objects (otherwise known as Wife).  I'd woken up to the source of my own pain (let's call it hay fever enlightenment), so when Chris came home, dragging and sniffling, and had to go lie down before dinner, I made him take a pill first.  He emerged from his nap clear-headed and peppy.  Glorious spring weather vs. drippy headache-y allergies, which would you choose?

Diiii-nner! (Meg)

Such a big part of my oh-so-domestic life revolves around food that I've decided weight gain is an occupational hazard for me.   Much of my time is spent trying to figure out what to cook that's healthy, not too pricey, and that three out of four Hunters will eat (I don't have time to care what dentists think about it).  Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose, but as the years go by I more consistently rack up wins than losses.  An interesting solution I tried recently was the October Real Simple magazine's Month of Easy Dinners.  Once a week I printed out the shopping list and went to the grocery store (such a treat to only go once a week--with out a plan I often end up going everyday) and five nights a week I had a dinner ready to cook that didn't repeat too often, was fairly healthy, and if someone whined "I hate that", it was the magazine they hated, not me!  Our family doesn't eat at home on average two nights a week because of activities so five recipes per week was perfect.   I also did have to plan for lunches and breakfasts, but now that Mettlin is driving she's the one to run to the store for another gallon of milk if I mess up.  There were four real keepers for my family--recipes I've added to the family favorites--and not having to think every day about what we were going to eat that night was worth triple the price of the magazine.  But check it out--it's available for free  at http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/recipe-collections-favorites/quick-easy/month-easy-dinners-00000000020770/index.html And our most favorite recipe is Ravioli with Apples and Walnuts, available at http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/ravioli-apples-walnuts-recipe-00000000020572/index.html