19/365: to hear clearly

sometimes it's much less clear, which way to go, what to think, what to do, how to feel. this is the time when it's most important for me to have quiet time, to allow space to help me be clear and hear what i need to hear. busyness keeps the knowing at bay. slowing down, to stopping, and listening to my heart helps me see my path, and i then know in which direction to point myself. 

18/365: graffiti love over 50

before i arrived, he carved a heart in the bathroom wall with the only sharp object he could find, a bottle opener. said, i have something for you ... you will find it in the morning light. and lo and behold, while soaping up in the shower today, there it was! 

17/365: trust

i'm being told i can trust my open heart. hell, i tell other people that all the time! 

but when it actually comes down to it ... it is not as easy as it sounds. 

we have all been hurt. and we don't want to hurt others.

so we close. close our hearts. to protect ourselves.

but when we shut down this most important energy source, we shut off ourselves and others and the whole world from this vital, creative, joyful and free energy which has the ultimate power to salve and heal those hurt places inside.

so, i keep watching myself. oh, just there, i closed my heart! or oh, last night, i was afraid ... and consciously reopen. speak and act from my heart, again and again. this is my current learning, and my current practice. and, my current healing. 

16/365: love is my word

my one little (enormous) word for 2012 is "love." simply. love is all around. love is god. love is all you need. love is blind. love makes the world go 'round. love. love. love. love. love.

open. deep. accepting. free. laughter. sharing. easy. soulful. sexy. satisfying. stories. seeing. being seen. just being. giving. receiving. emotional. connection. listening. spiritual. uninhibited. fun.

love. the opposite of fear. my mom's friend jerry jampolsky wrote a book, "love is letting go of fear."

love, i am not afraid of you! i enter open doors and windows, fully, with open heart. and when the fear comes, because it always slips its way inside, i remind myself to let go, to let love in anyway. 

2012: the year of reminding myself. to love. just love. 

15/365: love of place

from early morning mountain trails -- complete with redwoods and oaks and eucalypts and dirt and bicycles and dogs and red cheeks in cold air -- to beach by harbor -- complete with sailboats and sailors and paddle boards and dogs and palm trees ... this is the northern california i know and love. the northern california i praise in my quietest moments, and my happiest moments. 

11/365: between there and here

transitions are important time frames. those moments just after there, before really arriving here. the essence of there still in my system. the longing to go back, to be there still, which makes it so much harder to really arrive and be here.

being here is the only true thing, the only thing that actually exists. yet i have an expert mind at replaying scenes. perhaps my mind will lose its capacity as i strengthen my capacity to be here. now.