I am half-way through my 365 project! Most days, I post a diptych of something I see on the left and a self-portrait on the right. Today, I didn't do a self-portrait. Am giving myself the latitude to be free with this project, to do my best, but to let "perfection" go. I think it's an "over-50" thing. Imperfectly perfect. Embracing reality. Finally!
it was a few years ago now that a man in france, i think he was a greek tourist, commented on my hair, comparing it to my dog's. we didn't understand each other well, or maybe not at all. but he said it with a big smile on his face, wasn't being unkind.
what? i thought to myself, my hair is white? like daisey's? but IT WAS! it was growing out white. after decades as a bottle-blond.
it took years for all the blond to grow out long enough to be chopped off, leaving only gray. it was an uncomfortable, and not very pretty, process.
these days i hear frequent comments on my hair. strangers regularly stop me to offer compliments, recently at the airport. i have grown into my gray hair, and am no longer upset, at all, by people noticing it. it is what it is, and i try to take care of it. keep it healthy and hydrated. that's all.
daisey goes to the groomer for haircuts much more often than i, and comes home with such closely cropped fur that she looks almost naked, like a large rat, not as cute as the furrier version. but she looks out of those innocent eyes with the same love and openness. i still look in her eyes and each time remember, she is just as she was before the hair cut. she is NOT her hair.
and i am not mine.
can you feel it? it's happening. it's coming. the sun. the warmth. the growth. the life. rebirth. SPRING!
EVERYONE is coming out of their caves, their winterized spaces, their lairs. coming out into the SUN!
can you feel it?
i have been busier these last two weeks with PEOPLE than over the whole of winter, it feels. and i have lots of photographs of these pale and happy faces.
and yet, here i am, photographing plants, still.
daisey and i walked out this afternoon, after a day of gray drizzle. woodsy fireplace smoke like french countryside.
raindrops lay in the late low rays of march, whispered
and so i did.
and this is what those kisses looked like. tasted like. wet. juicy. exciting. SPRING!
friday nights can be brutal for us single folks.
i can see someone at the grocery store on a cell phone, and it looks like he's talking to his mate at home, asking her what she wants him to bring home for dinner ... a picture of domestic bliss.
and then in my head, i go into a whole story about how EVERYONE in the whole world is paired up, like noah's ark, two by two. and i am solo. and i must be somehow defective because i am alone. and i will ALWAYS be alone. no one will EVER love me. and i will NEVER have anyone to love. and on and on into a total headspin. brutal.
and it's not true. not one word of it.
the only things that are true are: i saw a guy on the phone at the grocery store. and i'm alone TONIGHT.
it's not the easiest thing to NOT believe our own thoughts. they seem so real. but thoughts are thoughts, made up in the mind. they are not reality. reality is that i'm sitting here typing in my office. that's it.
tonight, friday night, i only went partially down headspin road before i made a quick u-turn. i'm going to snuggle up with daisey and count my blessings: warm home, good food, safe and sound. amen.
pink sky at night: sailor's (and my) delight!
thanks goodness for my little furry friend daisey. she stops me in my busydom with her pleading eyes, tail wagging, is it time? can we go now? ok ok ok already, feeling guilty. too many hours have passed. yesterday i was in bed with a fever and she didn't get out at all. so today i promised her, and myself, some nice leisurely walks.
i launched our afternoon walk toward the much-needed pharmacy, combining leisure with errand. not always the best combination.
and on our way back, flu-meds in hand, i finally got present. as in, i saw what was before my eyes.
it was this pink sky in all it's daintiness and subtle beauty, gentle february hues.
walk gently. see lightly, speak softly. of magnificence.