the visit (this courageous life, con't)

hillary and carol, 2010

the moment i pulled up in front of her house, my aunt carol came bounding out and ran toward me, arms outstretched. we hugged, cried, gazed, all of it, so much, so unreal, yet also, somehow, completely real. 

one of the photos of me i had previously sent to carol was displayed happily on the refrigerator, along with a poem about abundance i sent. i felt so welcome by this woman. which is a BIG deal when the whole of my life up to now, i have felt unwelcome and unwanted by my birth family. it is everything to be recognized, seen, wanted. 

we spent five hours talking, sharing, looking at photos and letters, crying, laughing, drinking tea (me) and coffee (carol). she gave me a box full of some of nancy's remaining things: jewelry, monogrammed objects, a watch. are you sure? i kept asking. yes. carol wanted me to have them. what huge generosity of spirit in this little woman. 

i have a new aunt. and a new friend. 

carol sent photos of she and my birthmother nancy. i see quite a resemblance of nancy in me. do you see it, too?

 carol and nancy, 1986

carol, 1955



we know nothing until we know everything.

i have no object to defend

for all is of equal value

to me.

i cannot lose anything in this

place of abundance

i found.

if something my heart cherishes

is taken away,

i just say, "lord, what 


and a hundred more


- st catherine of sienna