anxiety girl

so what started as a minor job replacing a few old drafty and leaky windows is possibly becoming a big kitchen remodel. and maybe converting part of the garage into an art studio. and changing all the little things that bug me around here. and anxiety girl is coming out to play! 

i know, i know. i am fortunate to even be able to consider this kind of financial monster.

but that's just it. monster. my anxiety monster. she really can make me crazy if i'm not careful!

windows. moulding. wiring.

back in my 20s and 30s, i just thought i had an inordinate amount of energy. everyone thought i was superwoman. heck, i thought i was superwoman! i. did. a. lot. big things. triathlons. competitive sports. high adrenaline climbing up huge rocks and jumping into rivers. moving across the country to a new job not knowing a soul. running toward wildfires with my camera when everyone else was running away. that kind of thing. and i never could tolerate caffeine. it just makes me want to crawl out of my skin. and i thought i just had inner "energy."

but i now realize that it's called ANXIETY. and mine gets triggered quite easily. maybe something to do with early trauma. so my nervous system gets revved. and i have to work to calm myself down.

paint colors. doorknobs. light switches.

over the past few years, i've learned a few tricks: taking a bath. yoga. running. holding a pillow. lying down beneath heavy blankets. rubbing my legs and ankles in a downward motion, or rocking my feet from toe to heel on the floor. anything to ground the energy. and get back in my body instead of up in my head. 

countertop. gas or electric. hinges. 

this could be fun. creating lovely spaces. just how i want them. and spaces affect how i live. Life!

so i'm working with my anxiety girl a lot right now. 

and if you have any great anti-anxiety tips (except drugs), i'm all ears. 

because instead of feeling like a bunch of crossed wires in a dark sky, i'd like to feel like a bird flying through the air. clear and free. 

breathe ...